Questionable Pick-Up Methods

1 out of every 3 New York men think they're the universe's gift to women.* They are convinced that you will accept their marriage proposal on the spot simply because they took the time out of their day to acknowledge you.


Examples:

1) A few weeks ago, I was out doing some grocery shopping. On my way home, I passed the entrance of a major hospital (which happens to be close to my apartment). A block past it, I made eye contact with an older man, who - when he saw me - clutched his heart. 

I ran over to him, fearing that he was having a heart attack and trying to make it to the hospital in time.

When I asked him if he was okay, he responded, "No. Seeing you made my heart stop."

Nice try, but the proximity to the hospital happened to be an unfortunate coincidence, and I was no longer in the mood to be wooed. (He was also triple my age...)


2) While waiting for a bus uptown, a guy around my age started talking to me. He told me that he was on his way home from the gym and taking the bus just one stop (less than 10 blocks) to go home. Naturally, I pointed out the contradiction of being the laziest person ever after the gym, but he ignored me and kept chatting about himself. 

I learned that he is from Brazil, where his parents currently reside. So, according to him, it's just him here in NYC...well, him and -- (he proceeded to roll up his sleeve, revealing a WWJD bracelet) -- Jesus.

I was definitely surprised by his religious forthcoming while on public transportation, but it didn't bother me so much. That is, until he pointed at my Hadaya ring (six months young from my last trip to Israel) and asked what it is. He noticed the Hebrew engraving, and his eyes got wide. 

He proceeded to ramble about how religions are all fundamentally the same and the only thing that really matters is if you are a good person. Bottom line: it got awkward. Fast. 


Needless to say, neither of these two potential suitors worked out. I have confidence that there will be others. I can't wait.


*This is based on my personal opinion. No research was involved.