Roommates

I am going to say something, and it’s going to shock you, and then you are going to think about it and realize how true it is and wonder why this phenomenon still exists.

Roommates.

We, as highly intelligent beings, are not designed to live with other people...which brings us to our first activity:

Quiz: How to Be a Good Roommate

1. Oh no! You're doing your hair in the bathroom and a bobby pin accidentally falls into the toilet. Do you:

a) Figure out a way to remove it

b) Do nothing but at least tell your other roommates it's your fault

c) See something, say nothing

d) Allow it to sit there slowly oxidizing, impossible to flush away

2. It's the dishwasher fairy's day off, and all of the wet dishes and cups remain in the dishwasher. Do you:

a) Remove them, dry them, put them away

b) Remove everything from the dishwasher and stack it all on the drying mat so it will air dry

c) Open the dishwasher, remove only the items you need, and leave the rest there 

d) Remove all of the wet cups and put them away by stacking them, thus creating a perfect environment for mold to grow in

3. The trash is overflowing, and you have to throw something out! Do you:

a) Take both your new garbage and the overflowing trash to the trash chute down the hall

b) Ignore the overflowing trash and throw your new garbage out in the trash chute

c) Start a new trash bag alongside the overflowing one to keep it company

d) Find a crevice of the trash bin that is yet to be overflowed and somehow jam your trash in there too

4. We're out of soap! Do you:

a) Buy new soap

b) Put a bottle of Purell in the bathroom as a substitute

c) Mention to your roommates that they need to buy soap

d) Fill the soap bottle up with 95% water so it looks full but you're basically washing your hands with water and water

5. In your baking frenzy, you remove a hot pan of brownies from the oven and place it on the plastic tablecloth, which subsequently melts and disintegrates. Do you:

a) Apologize and immediately purchase a new one to replace the one you ruined

b) Apologize, promise to buy a new one, and then never do

c) Exclaim at the wonders of science that such an unforeseen thing could occur

d) Place a plate of brownies over the disintegrated area to distract from the damage

If you answered b, c, or d to any of the above questions, then you do not deserve to cohabit places. Please be respectful and find yourself an apartment that you can slowly, singlehandedly destroy.

Disclaimer: I did not say that any of these situations are based in truth. Also, I happen to have a very lovely, respectful roommate right now. I may be coming around to this whole cohabitation thing after all.