Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pick Up Lines

In my experience, pick up lines are a nebulous art form. The kind of art that if you squint really, really hard and block out everything else, it just might work for you. However, for the most part, I have been subject to the most heinous approaches from guys whose egos make them deaf to their own voices. I can now understand why Van Gogh cut off an ear.

Here are some of the worst I've heard: 

"This is a picture of my child. Isn't he adorable?"
--Aww, so cute!
"Yea, I know. I'm just trying to get his mother killed so I can get custody."
--WHAT THE FUCK?!
"Just kidding"

“It’s my friend’s 21^st birthday and he’s blacked out. Would you give him a lap dance?”

(This literally happened to me. Needless to say, I was not quite swept off my feet, and so I politely declined the offer. I even went one step further to offer my EMT expertise to provide his friend with medical attention.)

The guy was not expecting such a response, and stuttered out the only possible reason why I would turn such a casanova down: “Are you gay?”

That is precisely where the conversation ended.

“I work for NASA, and I'm going to the moon next week. I gotta stock up on porn because, you know, it's a long ride."

“What are you drinking?”
--It’s called beer.

Guy who still thinks the conversation is going somewhere: “You know, I hear beer isn’t that good for you.” 
--Really? I heard that ALL ALCOHOL isn’t that good for you

And the worst one of all, which will never be funny, and will NEVER EVER be okay to use on a human being:

“Are you 9/11? Because you’re impossible to forget”