Rules of Life I Learned From My Grandma

-Never go anywhere without a sweater. This rule is especially important in the middle of the summer when you may unknowingly enter an arctic-like dwelling, such as the movie theater, supermarket, restaurant or knitting store.

-Never accept the first seat they lead you to at a restaurant. It’s a trick. They intentionally offer you the worst seat available – next to a table with a screaming baby, near the kitchen, or, worst of all, directly under an air conditioning vent – to test your classiness. It is important to always ask for another seat. A booth is always the better option, when possible.

-Always ask for fresh coffee. At diners and restaurants, they will only serve you the murkiest coffee left over from yesterday’s brew, unless you specifically ask them to brew a fresh cup. That is the only way to ensure good, strong coffee.

-Never show up anywhere empty handed. This is just good etiquette because no one will truly ever welcome you into their home unless you come bearing gifts. These gifts should consist of flea market finds, pocket calendars that the bank gives out for free, and AARP travel alarm clocks.

-It is unsafe to read a book unless every possible light source in the room is turned on. Reading in insufficient lighting is almost as dangerous as placing your glass on the edge of a table, forgetting to use a coupon, or going somewhere without a sweater.


Posted in loving memory of my Grandma Dotty, who would have been 84 today.