Monday, July 29, 2013

Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 1

I decided that this will be the first in a series of thematic posts that will be published every Monday. I figure Monday definitely qualifies as something that exists but shouldn't, so these posts are quite apropos. 


1) Uncomfortable shoes that are also ugly


We suffer for fashion. I am the first one to admit to it. It’s a fact of life that strapless bras, thongs, and stilettos are not manufactured to provide the wearer with any degree of comfort. However, they automatically increase the sex factor of whatever you’re wearing, thus making it worth the daylong wedgie or worry that you’re at risk for a Janet Jackson Superbowl 2004 scandal.


The thing that makes NO sense, however, is the existence of uncomfortable fashion items that are also hideous. I’m going to focus my discussion on shoes. I know that Crocs help air your feet out and Dansko clogs offer great for people on their feet all day (or who work on a farm milking cows). I know the only nurse you will ever meet in heels is probably still waiting for the ink to dry on her RN certification. I put up with the occasional frumpy strap or tacky bow on a pair of Aerosoles wedges only because it feels like my feet are being held up by the palms of angels. 

But what happens when unfashionable meets unbearably painful? What company could possibly manufacture items that not only decrease the wearer’s ability to get laid but also their will to live for the rest of the day while their feet slowly wage war on their circulatory system?! Suffering unnecessarily in ugly shoes does not make you a fashionable martyr. You’re just masochist. 


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