Make Me Over

The other day, I had a few minutes to kill before meeting a friend for coffee. I decided to walk into Bloomingdale's, since their holiday window displays and Christmas lights were enticing on the gloomy day.

I was looking for nothing in particular, which left me vulnerable to commission-hungry cosmetic counter employees. I was browsing Michael Kors bags when an attractive male (who was NOT wearing a name tag) approached me and said, "OMG. Your eyes." I looked at him quizzically, and he asked me follow him....to a makeup counter.

As we approached the counter, he called out to another employee and says "Katie, aren't her eyes gorgeous?" Katie's back was to me, but she responded "OMG, so gorgeous!" 

She hadn't even turned around yet.
That's when I knew I was in trouble. 

I looked around at my surroundings and noted that I was at a Trish McEvoy counter. I've only heard of this brand in People magazine when celebs share their "beauty must-haves" and then the magazine provides you with affordable drug store alternatives. 

Katie asks me what I use for my daily cleansing regime. After I list the 4 components of my routine, she manages to come up with a product that I am not yet using - a serum that contains "hyaluronic acid." I was unfamiliar with this chemical, so a quick Wikipedia search informed me that "hyaluronan contributes significantly to cell proliferation and migration, and may also be involved in the progression of some malignant tumors."

Needless to say, I was no longer interested in the serum. Katie then proceeded to douse me with eye serum AND eye cream (shockingly, they are separate products), while spilling the excess on my jeans. I was not happy.

She pulled out an under-eye concealer (apparently, I have severe dark circles). She expertly applied it to my right eye, and then handed it to me so I could complete the left side. Obviously, this resulted in having a perfectly concealed right eye, which only exaggerated the effects of my poorly concealed left eye. 

At this point, I was ready to be done with this less-than-fun makeover. So, naturally, it was time for the sales pitch. 
 
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum for $128? NO.
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum AND eye concealer for $199? NO.

Next time I go into a department store, I'm definitely just staying with handbags. At least they can't give you tumors.