I've reached my 100th post! What a feat!
To honor it, I created another blog. It's a totally different concept but (ideally) even more entertaining.
Enjoy, and share with friends!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 20
20) Sideways Rain
It's raining, it's pouring
I'm soaking wet and really, really cold.
Anyone in the tri-state area yesterday experienced the horrid downpour of nonstop rain. It didn't just fall straight down. It fell sideways, forwards, backwards. At one point I was convinced it was coming up from the ground.
Nathan W. Pyle drew it perfectly.
In just two short blocks of walking, my brother and I were drenched from every angle.
I love a rainy day from inside my warm (dry) bed. I can usually handle walking in the rain, provided I can predict what angle the rain is coming from. When it falls sideways, though, it's just too much to handle.
Sideways snow, however, is beautiful. It's kind of like walking inside of a snow globe.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Cabbie Say What?
My younger brother – a non-native New Yorker – visited me in the city this past week. He remarked on how ridiculously easy it is to take a cab that will drive you anywhere in the city at your request. In light of his appreciation for cabs, I am dedicating this post to him.
Recently, I took a cab home from the movies (it was freezing cold & I was lazy) and my cab driver was blabbering on his phone in a language I couldn't understand. (See my past post about taxi drivers and their phone habits.)
I decided to do what everyone else does to pass the time and take out my phone. (Anything that requires waiting for more than 10 seconds means the phone must come out.) I had tuned my driver out and was scrolling through Christmas Eve pictures on Instagram when the background noise suddenly changed – he had stopped talking.
I looked up from my phone in confusion, wondering what had caused this period of silence, when the driver repeated, "Merry Christmas!"
Apparently, his phone conversation had ended and he had begun a conversation with me in the same breath.
I felt bad. I really did. But his intonations and inflections in wishing me this seasonal greeting in English were exactly the same as when he was speaking in his native language, and I did not notice the differentiation until there was a period of silence.
I appreciated the interaction, but I just didn't see (or rather, hear) it coming.
As soon as I wished him a Merry Christmas back, however, he picked up his phone and called another friend, leaving me to get back to Instagram.
Recently, I took a cab home from the movies (it was freezing cold & I was lazy) and my cab driver was blabbering on his phone in a language I couldn't understand. (See my past post about taxi drivers and their phone habits.)
I decided to do what everyone else does to pass the time and take out my phone. (Anything that requires waiting for more than 10 seconds means the phone must come out.) I had tuned my driver out and was scrolling through Christmas Eve pictures on Instagram when the background noise suddenly changed – he had stopped talking.
I looked up from my phone in confusion, wondering what had caused this period of silence, when the driver repeated, "Merry Christmas!"
Apparently, his phone conversation had ended and he had begun a conversation with me in the same breath.
I felt bad. I really did. But his intonations and inflections in wishing me this seasonal greeting in English were exactly the same as when he was speaking in his native language, and I did not notice the differentiation until there was a period of silence.
I appreciated the interaction, but I just didn't see (or rather, hear) it coming.
As soon as I wished him a Merry Christmas back, however, he picked up his phone and called another friend, leaving me to get back to Instagram.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
The Gift of Time
I decided to go shopping the day before Christmas. Crazy, I know. But I had a doctor's appointment two blocks from Bloomingdale's, and I couldn't resist popping in.
The wonderful thing was that since I don't celebrate Christmas, I was in no rush to shop. There was no urgency to buy last-minute presents to get them wrapped before evening. Rather, I had nothing to do for the afternoon, so I took my time browsing display cases and touching soft things (my favorite thing to do).
This was the first time in a long time that I had been out shopping without an agenda or a place to be. I ended up in the pocketbook section and a lovely saleslady named Jihan promised she would help me after the next customer. I waited, because I could. When she finished, she came over to me, and gave me 30 minutes of her time, including allowing me to take the stuffing out of all the bags.
When I finally decided on a beautiful bag to splurge on (oops, I guess I did want to do some shopping after all), she went down to the storeroom to find me a brand new one, even though there were 5 out on display.
It was really, really fun. I have rarely enjoyed a shopping experience as much as I did that day. I recommend it. Just don't go shopping today...the day after Christmas is a far crazier day than the day before.
The wonderful thing was that since I don't celebrate Christmas, I was in no rush to shop. There was no urgency to buy last-minute presents to get them wrapped before evening. Rather, I had nothing to do for the afternoon, so I took my time browsing display cases and touching soft things (my favorite thing to do).
This was the first time in a long time that I had been out shopping without an agenda or a place to be. I ended up in the pocketbook section and a lovely saleslady named Jihan promised she would help me after the next customer. I waited, because I could. When she finished, she came over to me, and gave me 30 minutes of her time, including allowing me to take the stuffing out of all the bags.
When I finally decided on a beautiful bag to splurge on (oops, I guess I did want to do some shopping after all), she went down to the storeroom to find me a brand new one, even though there were 5 out on display.
It was really, really fun. I have rarely enjoyed a shopping experience as much as I did that day. I recommend it. Just don't go shopping today...the day after Christmas is a far crazier day than the day before.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Matters of the Mind
It's rare that a week goes by without hearing about a new study that claims [something] prevents against aging and/or dementia.
At this point, I think we all can agree that certain habits have undeniably positive correlations with longevity and mental health.
Sleep is one of them.
It looks like coffee* is close to earning universal approval.
Next on the list are brain exercises, which are encouraged to keep your mind young.
My grandmother was big on Sudoku, and – bless her – once called Will Shortz, Puzzle Creator, to ask him personally for advice on how to solve the toughest puzzles.
The other day, however, I saw a middle-aged woman sitting in Grand Central Station doing a word search titled "Keep Your Brain from Going Soft!" While I appreciated the fact that she was doing something on a piece of paper (unlike the 250 people around me all on their cell phones), it got me thinking that a word search might not be the most stimulating activity. It requires no mental math or critical analysis. There is no memory recall needed (there's a word bank at the bottom!), so I really don't think it gives the brain any sort of a workout. Her time would probably be better spent reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle that would require her to think more than her current activity.
But, hey, you never know. Research is always changing, and maybe a study will come out soon declaring that word searches are the best way to keep your wits about you, thus proving me wrong. Who am I to say? I'm not a neurologist...yet ;)
*I print out all of the ones related to coffee to use in my arsenal in case I am accused of being far too addicted to it.
At this point, I think we all can agree that certain habits have undeniably positive correlations with longevity and mental health.
Sleep is one of them.
It looks like coffee* is close to earning universal approval.
Next on the list are brain exercises, which are encouraged to keep your mind young.
My grandmother was big on Sudoku, and – bless her – once called Will Shortz, Puzzle Creator, to ask him personally for advice on how to solve the toughest puzzles.
The other day, however, I saw a middle-aged woman sitting in Grand Central Station doing a word search titled "Keep Your Brain from Going Soft!" While I appreciated the fact that she was doing something on a piece of paper (unlike the 250 people around me all on their cell phones), it got me thinking that a word search might not be the most stimulating activity. It requires no mental math or critical analysis. There is no memory recall needed (there's a word bank at the bottom!), so I really don't think it gives the brain any sort of a workout. Her time would probably be better spent reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle that would require her to think more than her current activity.
But, hey, you never know. Research is always changing, and maybe a study will come out soon declaring that word searches are the best way to keep your wits about you, thus proving me wrong. Who am I to say? I'm not a neurologist...yet ;)
*I print out all of the ones related to coffee to use in my arsenal in case I am accused of being far too addicted to it.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 19
19) Teen Smokers
This should be an obvious one, but, unfortunately, it really is not.
Since elementary school, I was educated by health teachers and school police officers about the harmful side effects of tobacco. We spent hours making posters encouraging our peers to quit (perhaps a bit young of a target population). I vividly remember the times my brother and I would boldly walk up to our chain-smoking neighbor to tell him about the dangers of his habit. He didn't seem to mind the lecture, but he also didn't stop.
I realize that when cigarettes were first introduced, their toxicity wasn't recognized. Therefore, everyone smoked - and encouraged others to do so - and it was a socially acceptable habit (at least according to Mad Men).
What I don't understand, however, is how the young generation - teenagers and up - who, like me, have grown up with D.A.R.E. propaganda fed to us on the daily are actually inclined to start smoking. I remember when restaurants had smoking and non-smoking sections; now, you can get kicked out for smoking within 10 feet of the entrance. College campuses are going smoke-free, making it harder and harder for individuals to keep up with the habit (if they are dumb enough to start it in the first place).
Despite the existence of incredibly powerful anti-smoking ads like these, there are still people continuing to smoke and those who are starting a new. I just don't get it.
Also, it's freaking expensive. If that's not reason enough to avoid the habit, then I'm not sure what will do it.
This should be an obvious one, but, unfortunately, it really is not.
Since elementary school, I was educated by health teachers and school police officers about the harmful side effects of tobacco. We spent hours making posters encouraging our peers to quit (perhaps a bit young of a target population). I vividly remember the times my brother and I would boldly walk up to our chain-smoking neighbor to tell him about the dangers of his habit. He didn't seem to mind the lecture, but he also didn't stop.
I realize that when cigarettes were first introduced, their toxicity wasn't recognized. Therefore, everyone smoked - and encouraged others to do so - and it was a socially acceptable habit (at least according to Mad Men).
What I don't understand, however, is how the young generation - teenagers and up - who, like me, have grown up with D.A.R.E. propaganda fed to us on the daily are actually inclined to start smoking. I remember when restaurants had smoking and non-smoking sections; now, you can get kicked out for smoking within 10 feet of the entrance. College campuses are going smoke-free, making it harder and harder for individuals to keep up with the habit (if they are dumb enough to start it in the first place).
Despite the existence of incredibly powerful anti-smoking ads like these, there are still people continuing to smoke and those who are starting a new. I just don't get it.
Also, it's freaking expensive. If that's not reason enough to avoid the habit, then I'm not sure what will do it.
Friday, December 20, 2013
It's A Small World After All
The universe works in mysterious ways, and someone up there has quite the plan for me.
In the past two weeks, I have had the most absurd incidences of running into people to whom I somehow am connected (and curiously, all of these run-ins occurred on the train).
1) As I settled into my seat on the Metro North, I casually glanced across the aisle, and made eye contact with an older man who looked all too familiar. He stared back at me, and I finally realized how I knew him -- he had interviewed me for grad school just a few days ago. To make sure, I asked him if he worked at [grad school], and when I told him that he had interviewed me - because I wasn't sure he remembered - he said, "I know!"
He then came over and sat next to me for the entire 45-minute ride from Scarsdale to Grand Central. Needless to say, this was way more interview time than I had bargained for, although he seemed to be quite laid back about it. He gave me advice on where I should go to grad school (curiously, he didn't name his own place of employment...) and said a few comments that were definitely borderline racist. So of course, it was really entertaining. At the end of our ride together, he gave me his card. If I don't get into that school now, I definitely know whom to blame.
2) I took Amtrak last week to visit Philadelphia for a grad school interview (at off times of the day, it's quite inexpensive to travel with them). On my return trip, I was looking for a seat when a friendly middle-aged man offered the seat next to him. He even held out his hand to hold my coffee as I got settled (which instantly made me like him). We got to talking on our 1.5 hour ride, first about Candy Crush (he was stuck on level 79) to my graduate school aspirations. He showed me pictures of his recent trip to Israel (always an instant connection). We learned that his daughter is currently attending my dream grad school and his son's alma mater is my undergraduate college. Although I had prepared many activities for the ride, it was far more enjoyable to make friends with a complete stranger. I requested him on LinkedIn (it seemed most appropriate), and maybe our paths will cross again!
3) Just this week, I got off a rush-hour train (although I was reverse-commuting) in Grand Central and starting fighting my way down the platform to the terminal. Out of the corner of my eye I see a face that looks familiar, so I turn and stare -- it's my aunt! I grabbed her arm so she turned to face me (also, I wanted to confirm that it really was her). The look on her face as she registered who was grabbing her was priceless. We ended up chatting for a little bit and learned that we had been on the same train (she from work, going into Manhattan for a book club & me from tutoring, going home to my apartment). Such a lovely surprise to be caught among the commuter frenzy and see someone with whom you share genes.
I think I should just ride the train more often.
In the past two weeks, I have had the most absurd incidences of running into people to whom I somehow am connected (and curiously, all of these run-ins occurred on the train).
1) As I settled into my seat on the Metro North, I casually glanced across the aisle, and made eye contact with an older man who looked all too familiar. He stared back at me, and I finally realized how I knew him -- he had interviewed me for grad school just a few days ago. To make sure, I asked him if he worked at [grad school], and when I told him that he had interviewed me - because I wasn't sure he remembered - he said, "I know!"
He then came over and sat next to me for the entire 45-minute ride from Scarsdale to Grand Central. Needless to say, this was way more interview time than I had bargained for, although he seemed to be quite laid back about it. He gave me advice on where I should go to grad school (curiously, he didn't name his own place of employment...) and said a few comments that were definitely borderline racist. So of course, it was really entertaining. At the end of our ride together, he gave me his card. If I don't get into that school now, I definitely know whom to blame.
2) I took Amtrak last week to visit Philadelphia for a grad school interview (at off times of the day, it's quite inexpensive to travel with them). On my return trip, I was looking for a seat when a friendly middle-aged man offered the seat next to him. He even held out his hand to hold my coffee as I got settled (which instantly made me like him). We got to talking on our 1.5 hour ride, first about Candy Crush (he was stuck on level 79) to my graduate school aspirations. He showed me pictures of his recent trip to Israel (always an instant connection). We learned that his daughter is currently attending my dream grad school and his son's alma mater is my undergraduate college. Although I had prepared many activities for the ride, it was far more enjoyable to make friends with a complete stranger. I requested him on LinkedIn (it seemed most appropriate), and maybe our paths will cross again!
3) Just this week, I got off a rush-hour train (although I was reverse-commuting) in Grand Central and starting fighting my way down the platform to the terminal. Out of the corner of my eye I see a face that looks familiar, so I turn and stare -- it's my aunt! I grabbed her arm so she turned to face me (also, I wanted to confirm that it really was her). The look on her face as she registered who was grabbing her was priceless. We ended up chatting for a little bit and learned that we had been on the same train (she from work, going into Manhattan for a book club & me from tutoring, going home to my apartment). Such a lovely surprise to be caught among the commuter frenzy and see someone with whom you share genes.
I think I should just ride the train more often.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
'Tis the Season
Tinsel is hung and trees are lit. Shoppers flock to department stores, eager to purchase gifts for everyone on their list. In fact, they are so eager that they are willing to push anyone who gets in their way out of it.
A few days ago, I was shopping at Bloomingdale's on the UES (I thought it wise to avoid Herald Square mayhem), and was waiting in line at the jewelry counter. A saleswoman had already handed my soon-to-be purchase to the clerk, who was currently ringing up a different customer.
When the clerk finished with the customer, she help up my jewelry items and signaled for me to come to the register. As I moved closer, I suddenly felt a WHACK on my arm.
I turned around to see a middle-aged woman (with skin severely damaged from years of tanning beds) and she said, "EXCUSE ME. IT'S MY TURN."
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that being rude entitled you to preferential treatment.
Luckily, the clerk stepped in to tell her that I had been there first. But, really -- resorting to physical violence to try to get your way?!
She is definitely on the Naughty list.
A few days ago, I was shopping at Bloomingdale's on the UES (I thought it wise to avoid Herald Square mayhem), and was waiting in line at the jewelry counter. A saleswoman had already handed my soon-to-be purchase to the clerk, who was currently ringing up a different customer.
When the clerk finished with the customer, she help up my jewelry items and signaled for me to come to the register. As I moved closer, I suddenly felt a WHACK on my arm.
I turned around to see a middle-aged woman (with skin severely damaged from years of tanning beds) and she said, "EXCUSE ME. IT'S MY TURN."
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that being rude entitled you to preferential treatment.
Luckily, the clerk stepped in to tell her that I had been there first. But, really -- resorting to physical violence to try to get your way?!
She is definitely on the Naughty list.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Questionable Pick-Up Methods
1 out of every 3 New York men think they're the universe's gift to women.* They are convinced that you will accept their marriage proposal on the spot simply because they took the time out of their day to acknowledge you.
Examples:
1) A few weeks ago, I was out doing some grocery shopping. On my way home, I passed the entrance of a major hospital (which happens to be close to my apartment). A block past it, I made eye contact with an older man, who - when he saw me - clutched his heart.
I ran over to him, fearing that he was having a heart attack and trying to make it to the hospital in time.
When I asked him if he was okay, he responded, "No. Seeing you made my heart stop."
Nice try, but the proximity to the hospital happened to be an unfortunate coincidence, and I was no longer in the mood to be wooed. (He was also triple my age...)
2) While waiting for a bus uptown, a guy around my age started talking to me. He told me that he was on his way home from the gym and taking the bus just one stop (less than 10 blocks) to go home. Naturally, I pointed out the contradiction of being the laziest person ever after the gym, but he ignored me and kept chatting about himself.
I learned that he is from Brazil, where his parents currently reside. So, according to him, it's just him here in NYC...well, him and -- (he proceeded to roll up his sleeve, revealing a WWJD bracelet) -- Jesus.
I was definitely surprised by his religious forthcoming while on public transportation, but it didn't bother me so much. That is, until he pointed at my Hadaya ring (six months young from my last trip to Israel) and asked what it is. He noticed the Hebrew engraving, and his eyes got wide.
He proceeded to ramble about how religions are all fundamentally the same and the only thing that really matters is if you are a good person. Bottom line: it got awkward. Fast.
Needless to say, neither of these two potential suitors worked out. I have confidence that there will be others. I can't wait.
*This is based on my personal opinion. No research was involved.
Examples:
1) A few weeks ago, I was out doing some grocery shopping. On my way home, I passed the entrance of a major hospital (which happens to be close to my apartment). A block past it, I made eye contact with an older man, who - when he saw me - clutched his heart.
I ran over to him, fearing that he was having a heart attack and trying to make it to the hospital in time.
When I asked him if he was okay, he responded, "No. Seeing you made my heart stop."
Nice try, but the proximity to the hospital happened to be an unfortunate coincidence, and I was no longer in the mood to be wooed. (He was also triple my age...)
2) While waiting for a bus uptown, a guy around my age started talking to me. He told me that he was on his way home from the gym and taking the bus just one stop (less than 10 blocks) to go home. Naturally, I pointed out the contradiction of being the laziest person ever after the gym, but he ignored me and kept chatting about himself.
I learned that he is from Brazil, where his parents currently reside. So, according to him, it's just him here in NYC...well, him and -- (he proceeded to roll up his sleeve, revealing a WWJD bracelet) -- Jesus.
I was definitely surprised by his religious forthcoming while on public transportation, but it didn't bother me so much. That is, until he pointed at my Hadaya ring (six months young from my last trip to Israel) and asked what it is. He noticed the Hebrew engraving, and his eyes got wide.
He proceeded to ramble about how religions are all fundamentally the same and the only thing that really matters is if you are a good person. Bottom line: it got awkward. Fast.
Needless to say, neither of these two potential suitors worked out. I have confidence that there will be others. I can't wait.
*This is based on my personal opinion. No research was involved.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Oh Deer
Time for a lighter post.
Everyone loves a good autocorrect story. But what happens when you accidentally read a word incorrectly and continue the conversation...even though the topic seems strange?
I was interviewing at a graduate school and noticed that each door was adorned with a mezuzah. My mom misread the text and thought I said that each deer had a mezuzah. Despite the fact that that idea is TOTALLY weird, she accepted it (even after my kosher comment) and did not realize until hours later that she had misread my first message. She later told me that she had pictured wire deer lawn ornaments with mezuzot around their neck....which would actually be pretty cool.
Everyone loves a good autocorrect story. But what happens when you accidentally read a word incorrectly and continue the conversation...even though the topic seems strange?
I was interviewing at a graduate school and noticed that each door was adorned with a mezuzah. My mom misread the text and thought I said that each deer had a mezuzah. Despite the fact that that idea is TOTALLY weird, she accepted it (even after my kosher comment) and did not realize until hours later that she had misread my first message. She later told me that she had pictured wire deer lawn ornaments with mezuzot around their neck....which would actually be pretty cool.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 18
18) Access to Firearms
This post is going to be a little more serious than others, simply because I think it needs to be said and I don't (usually) like using my Facebook to get all political. #ReadyForHillary
This past Friday - a day before the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting - another individual took advantage of lax gun control laws and opened fire at a school. One victim remains in a coma in life-threatening condition.
This is the second shooting in the past year and a half in Colorado alone, and what seems like the millionth nationwide in my lifetime.
The past two decades have been marked with horribly tragic shootings.
The lessons that they each have taught us are:
1) There is not always a known motive
2) No area is safer than others -- it makes no difference whether it's an elementary school, a movie theater, or a mall
3) Guns are far too easy to buy
Clearly, I come from the mindset that stricter gun regulations should be in place. I'm pretty sure the Second Amendment did not intend for the general public to have access to machinery capable of massive destruction. Machine guns were not designed to be used by the average civilian. Why can someone walk into a store and walk out with a weapon? Impulse buys should be reserved for $6 lip gloss.
Each time a tragedy happens, we (the public) beg them (the lawmakers) for tighter regulations. Every shooting is further evidence of the necessity of these laws, and yet nothing has been done. It keeps happening.
The media has also irresponsibly elevated the shooter to a celebrity level. We should not know this much about Adam Lanza's high school experience or exactly when Seung-Hui Cho emigrated to America. The shooters are perversely idolized, and I can't even imagine what seed that plants in the minds of other would-be shooters.
I also can't stand the immediate parallel drawn between these shooters and their mental states. Autism? Depression? Proclivity for violent video games? Those factors together probably describe half of America. What is the point of looking into the shooter's personal history or analyzing their DNA for a "violent gene"? We are not going to persecute other "would-be" shooters who might have increased risk factors because they haven't actually done anything. Don't forget, this is still America.
What we can do is take control access to guns and keep tabs on those that are sold to have an idea of who's putting them to use.
Guns don't kill people. People with guns kill people. So let's take away those guns.
This post is going to be a little more serious than others, simply because I think it needs to be said and I don't (usually) like using my Facebook to get all political. #ReadyForHillary
This past Friday - a day before the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting - another individual took advantage of lax gun control laws and opened fire at a school. One victim remains in a coma in life-threatening condition.
This is the second shooting in the past year and a half in Colorado alone, and what seems like the millionth nationwide in my lifetime.
The past two decades have been marked with horribly tragic shootings.
The lessons that they each have taught us are:
1) There is not always a known motive
2) No area is safer than others -- it makes no difference whether it's an elementary school, a movie theater, or a mall
3) Guns are far too easy to buy
Clearly, I come from the mindset that stricter gun regulations should be in place. I'm pretty sure the Second Amendment did not intend for the general public to have access to machinery capable of massive destruction. Machine guns were not designed to be used by the average civilian. Why can someone walk into a store and walk out with a weapon? Impulse buys should be reserved for $6 lip gloss.
Each time a tragedy happens, we (the public) beg them (the lawmakers) for tighter regulations. Every shooting is further evidence of the necessity of these laws, and yet nothing has been done. It keeps happening.
The media has also irresponsibly elevated the shooter to a celebrity level. We should not know this much about Adam Lanza's high school experience or exactly when Seung-Hui Cho emigrated to America. The shooters are perversely idolized, and I can't even imagine what seed that plants in the minds of other would-be shooters.
I also can't stand the immediate parallel drawn between these shooters and their mental states. Autism? Depression? Proclivity for violent video games? Those factors together probably describe half of America. What is the point of looking into the shooter's personal history or analyzing their DNA for a "violent gene"? We are not going to persecute other "would-be" shooters who might have increased risk factors because they haven't actually done anything. Don't forget, this is still America.
What we can do is take control access to guns and keep tabs on those that are sold to have an idea of who's putting them to use.
Guns don't kill people. People with guns kill people. So let's take away those guns.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Spice Up Your Life
Tis the season for flavored caffeinated beverages.
Pumpkin spice lattes (or as my friend abbreviates them, PSLs) were all the rage in October. Now that Christmas season is here (I can say that without being accused of being non-PC, seeing as Hanukkah is officially over), peppermint spice is now trending.
I had the cutest interaction with an elderly lady a few weeks ago at Starbucks concerning the spiciness of said drinks.
"Excuse me, miss. How spicy do you think the pumpkin spice drink is?"
--Oh, it's not spicy at all. At least not in the way a chili pepper is. It just means flavorful.
"But, how spicy? I really can't handle much spice."
--It's spicy in the way that cinnamon is a spice. Not hot and spicy.
"Hmm...well, OK."
She ordered a chai tea.
Pumpkin spice lattes (or as my friend abbreviates them, PSLs) were all the rage in October. Now that Christmas season is here (I can say that without being accused of being non-PC, seeing as Hanukkah is officially over), peppermint spice is now trending.
I had the cutest interaction with an elderly lady a few weeks ago at Starbucks concerning the spiciness of said drinks.
"Excuse me, miss. How spicy do you think the pumpkin spice drink is?"
--Oh, it's not spicy at all. At least not in the way a chili pepper is. It just means flavorful.
"But, how spicy? I really can't handle much spice."
--It's spicy in the way that cinnamon is a spice. Not hot and spicy.
"Hmm...well, OK."
She ordered a chai tea.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Does This Make You Look Fat?
We've probably all been guilty of it. We've been tagged on Facebook in pictures where we look GREAT, but the other person/people in the photo look terrible. Red eye, squinty eye, mid-sneeze...it's clearly a disastrous photo for them. But you look so good.
It's hard taking a good group photo (despite the existence ofdigital cameras iPhones that allow you to preview each picture after taking it).
So, rather than awkwardly crop them out of the photo and make it even more obvious that you did so, you make it your profile picture, in the hopes that Facebook followers will be focused on how good you look in the picture rather than how bad you look for publicizing the ugly photo of your friend.
Example A:
Pete Wentz looks great. Ashlee Simpson does not. This picture was posted...and now they're divorced. Just saying.
It's hard taking a good group photo (despite the existence of
So, rather than awkwardly crop them out of the photo and make it even more obvious that you did so, you make it your profile picture, in the hopes that Facebook followers will be focused on how good you look in the picture rather than how bad you look for publicizing the ugly photo of your friend.
Example A:
Source: http://www.teen.com/2012/07/17/im-bored/embarrassing-celebrity-photos-blinking/
Pete Wentz looks great. Ashlee Simpson does not. This picture was posted...and now they're divorced. Just saying.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Unneccessary Advertising
One of the greatest things about living in New York City is that you can get just about any food at any time of the day (or night). Many evenings, I have been returning home from bar hopping responsible fun, and the urge to eat something extremely greasy and doughy strikes me.
Fortunately, the Italian gods* invented 99¢ pizza.
However, one of my favorite late-night haunts (coincidentally located around the corner from my favorite bar...) has some curious advertising.
The "99¢" and "PIZZA" are totally necessary for their sign. But why the word "FRESH"?!
Let's be honest: no one is reading anything after "99¢"
Patrons of this classy establishment only care about the fact that their meal is going to cost less than a dollar.
And, if such delicious food (pizza) is going to be available to them at 4 AM, chances are you are not sober enough to care much about the quality of the pizza. Anything at this time of night would taste like manna from heaven.
Also, don't we expect all food to be fresh? Have you ever seen other restaurants (I'm using that term loosely here) use the word "fresh" in their title? Starbucks FRESH coffee. Sounds awkward. I would prefer a more exciting adjective, like "gourmet." Or, nothing (and leave it up to the imagination).
"99¢ PIZZA" alone is enough to catch my eye. And worth every penny.
*Disclaimer: I know the Italian gods did no such thing. It was obviously the Romans.
Fortunately, the Italian gods* invented 99¢ pizza.
However, one of my favorite late-night haunts (coincidentally located around the corner from my favorite bar...) has some curious advertising.
The "99¢" and "PIZZA" are totally necessary for their sign. But why the word "FRESH"?!
Let's be honest: no one is reading anything after "99¢"
Patrons of this classy establishment only care about the fact that their meal is going to cost less than a dollar.
And, if such delicious food (pizza) is going to be available to them at 4 AM, chances are you are not sober enough to care much about the quality of the pizza. Anything at this time of night would taste like manna from heaven.
Also, don't we expect all food to be fresh? Have you ever seen other restaurants (I'm using that term loosely here) use the word "fresh" in their title? Starbucks FRESH coffee. Sounds awkward. I would prefer a more exciting adjective, like "gourmet." Or, nothing (and leave it up to the imagination).
"99¢ PIZZA" alone is enough to catch my eye. And worth every penny.
*Disclaimer: I know the Italian gods did no such thing. It was obviously the Romans.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Things That Should Exist (But Don't)
I'm no engineer (confer my brother for that), but there are some inventions that I think should exist and are (almost) within our capabilities to produce.
- A TV that shows different channels to each person watching it
- Think about it. How many times have you wanted to share the same cozy space with a loved one/roommate/significant other, but disagreed over whether the Knicks game should have priority over Scandal?! (Hint: the answer is always the latter). How helpful would it be to share, conflict-free, the one flat screen surround-sound TV in your house (because who has more than one?!)
- Windshield wipers for your glasses
- OK, I know this idea is totally dorky, but for all you spectacled folk (which is everyone by now, seeing as it is "cool" to wear fake glasses too), you know the suffering that follows getting caught in the rain, resulting in total loss of vision. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to pull a Hermione and Impervius my glasses.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 17
17) Unhealthy Healthy Habits
Last week, I passed by an upscale apartment complex where spoiled 20-somethings live (not judging, though). I saw a girl standing under the awning, completely decked out in running gear. Lululemon pants for perfect ventilation while running. Impossibly clean sneakers with the "Nike+" attached to the laces, to allow her to monitor her speed while running. Headphones in, iPod armband on...but wait! What was she doing?
Smoking a cigarette.
I could not think of anything that is more hypocritical and counterproductive. Decreasing your lung function before doing something that is supposed to increase your cardiac health?! What?!
I couldn't believe that this girl was actively choosing to make unhealthy decisions (smoking) while preparing to do something very healthy (running). Wouldn't the second activity discourage the first? I almost wanted to walk up to her and tell her that it's quite contradictory to engage in both activities. Kinda like putting on a pair of very tight pants before Thanksgiving dinner.
Last week, I passed by an upscale apartment complex where spoiled 20-somethings live (not judging, though). I saw a girl standing under the awning, completely decked out in running gear. Lululemon pants for perfect ventilation while running. Impossibly clean sneakers with the "Nike+" attached to the laces, to allow her to monitor her speed while running. Headphones in, iPod armband on...but wait! What was she doing?
Smoking a cigarette.
I could not think of anything that is more hypocritical and counterproductive. Decreasing your lung function before doing something that is supposed to increase your cardiac health?! What?!
I couldn't believe that this girl was actively choosing to make unhealthy decisions (smoking) while preparing to do something very healthy (running). Wouldn't the second activity discourage the first? I almost wanted to walk up to her and tell her that it's quite contradictory to engage in both activities. Kinda like putting on a pair of very tight pants before Thanksgiving dinner.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Did I Hear That Right?
Before the internet gave me the ability to Google things like "lyrics to [song]" or "what song has the words ...." I very rarely got the lyrics right.
Often, I would sit down with my tape cassette (later, a CD) and replay segments of a song over and over, writing down words as I heard (and confirmed) them, to ensure that I had the complete full lyrics. Needless to say, this was not the most efficient method.
Finally, sites like Lyrics.com started popping up, allowing me to make some important clarifications:
Zedd - Clarity
You are a piece of meat, I wish I didn't eat
You are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need
Jay Z & Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
I've become a wet dream tomato
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
Kevin Lyttle - Turn Me On ((courtesy of my brother's misinterpretation)
You got me going crazy, Mariah, Mariah
You got me going crazy, Turn me on, Turn me on
Fortunately, I am not the only one who has suffered in the absence of access to verified lyrics.
Often, I would sit down with my tape cassette (later, a CD) and replay segments of a song over and over, writing down words as I heard (and confirmed) them, to ensure that I had the complete full lyrics. Needless to say, this was not the most efficient method.
Finally, sites like Lyrics.com started popping up, allowing me to make some important clarifications:
Zedd - Clarity
You are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need
Jay Z & Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
Kevin Lyttle - Turn Me On ((courtesy of my brother's misinterpretation)
You got me going crazy, Turn me on, Turn me on
Fortunately, I am not the only one who has suffered in the absence of access to verified lyrics.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Incommunicado
We rely on our phones. We are addicted to the idea that we can contact anyone, anytime, anywhere, and immediately be able to reach them.
There's no longer a valid excuse for being unreachable because you "were out of the house." You are expected to have your cell phone on, powered, and in an area of superb cell service at all times.
The expectation is a little extreme, but (almost) all of us are guilty of this reliance of being in constant communication at all times.
The thing is, cell phones aren't perfect, and things like dead zones (i.e. the subway) exist, or the fact that your smart phone - or "computer phone," as my cousin calls it - can do everything but wipe your nose for you, loses battery power by the second.
I'll be honest that I have gotten frustrated with friends if we have prearranged plans and then their phone died/had no service, which put a foil into meeting up at exactly the right time in exactly the right location. However, (as my uncle recently reminded me), there was a time when the ability to communicate with people on the go was unfathomable, and yet friends still managed to meet up. Friendships were actually probably stronger, because no one had the ability to send the infamous lie of a text message -- "on the way!" -- when you haven't even left your apartment.
I'm trying to more and more to put my phone down, turn it upside down, and even - gasp! - leave it behind when I go to the gym. What would happen if I'm unreachable for a few hours? Probably nothing....although there is the frightening thought of something of significance happening in that time span and without your phone, you're the last to know.
But, I'm really trying to move away from my iPhone reliance. One time, a few hours had gone by that I hadn't received a single text message. I had my mom text my phone just to confirm that it was still working. It was.
----------
Like this post? Text your friends about it! They're guaranteed to see it right away.
There's no longer a valid excuse for being unreachable because you "were out of the house." You are expected to have your cell phone on, powered, and in an area of superb cell service at all times.
The expectation is a little extreme, but (almost) all of us are guilty of this reliance of being in constant communication at all times.
The thing is, cell phones aren't perfect, and things like dead zones (i.e. the subway) exist, or the fact that your smart phone - or "computer phone," as my cousin calls it - can do everything but wipe your nose for you, loses battery power by the second.
I'll be honest that I have gotten frustrated with friends if we have prearranged plans and then their phone died/had no service, which put a foil into meeting up at exactly the right time in exactly the right location. However, (as my uncle recently reminded me), there was a time when the ability to communicate with people on the go was unfathomable, and yet friends still managed to meet up. Friendships were actually probably stronger, because no one had the ability to send the infamous lie of a text message -- "on the way!" -- when you haven't even left your apartment.
I'm trying to more and more to put my phone down, turn it upside down, and even - gasp! - leave it behind when I go to the gym. What would happen if I'm unreachable for a few hours? Probably nothing....although there is the frightening thought of something of significance happening in that time span and without your phone, you're the last to know.
But, I'm really trying to move away from my iPhone reliance. One time, a few hours had gone by that I hadn't received a single text message. I had my mom text my phone just to confirm that it was still working. It was.
----------
Like this post? Text your friends about it! They're guaranteed to see it right away.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 16
16) Black Friday
Perhaps I'm a few days late for this rant, but seeing as today is Cyber Monday (the internet's extension of Black Friday), I think I'm still within an appropriate time period to post.
Black Friday is insane. I decided to do a little research (via Google) as to where this ridiculous tradition started. Corporations and store owners chose to take advantage of the fact that most people have a 4-day weekend off from work...and need an excuse to get out of the house. And, with the "stress" of Thanksgiving now behind them, they are ready to prepare -- aka shop -- for Christmas.
Some stores will stop at nothing to get you hyped up for their deals.
Example A: I received this promo in my inbox last night from a popular restaurant chain.
Each year, stores have opened earlier and earlier, until 2012 when Walmart (of course) and its competitors decided to open on Thanksgiving Day....because no one would rather leave a warm house than line up in the cold (while your digestive enzymes wage war on your recent meal). In response, many people have beenorganizing protests aggressively posting on Facebook that we should boycott these stores.
It's not working. Why not?
If you're one of those people crazy enough to wait outside at 3 AM, what's a few more hours in the frigid night air?
If you're willing to freeze your toes off -- instead of sleeping your meal off -- to get that plasma TV, you don't want to take the risk that someone will get to the store for the 8 PM opening the night before and snatch it up (and thus, your self-induced frostbite would be in vain).
I came across this (hopefully true) compilation of Black Friday horror stories, courtesy of Reddit.
Defecating in a dryer?!
Starbucks spontaneous entrepreneur?! (quite brilliant, actually...I'm a little bummed I didn't think to do that myself)
Trampling someone to DEATH?!
There is no way you can convince me that ANY sale would be worth dealing with crowds like these.
There is a disgusting website that keeps count of all the deaths and injuries that have been linked to rabid Black Friday shoppers. As absurd as it sounds, let's try to prevent The Onion from publishing an article that may turn out to be not so far-fetched.
Perhaps I'm a few days late for this rant, but seeing as today is Cyber Monday (the internet's extension of Black Friday), I think I'm still within an appropriate time period to post.
Black Friday is insane. I decided to do a little research (via Google) as to where this ridiculous tradition started. Corporations and store owners chose to take advantage of the fact that most people have a 4-day weekend off from work...and need an excuse to get out of the house. And, with the "stress" of Thanksgiving now behind them, they are ready to prepare -- aka shop -- for Christmas.
Some stores will stop at nothing to get you hyped up for their deals.
Example A: I received this promo in my inbox last night from a popular restaurant chain.
It's like Christmas in July...but in December!
Last time I checked, Christmas in December is Christmas. It's pretty ridiculous to attempt to use a holiday against itself to double the effect. But it doesn't just sop there.
Each year, stores have opened earlier and earlier, until 2012 when Walmart (of course) and its competitors decided to open on Thanksgiving Day....because no one would rather leave a warm house than line up in the cold (while your digestive enzymes wage war on your recent meal). In response, many people have been
It's not working. Why not?
If you're one of those people crazy enough to wait outside at 3 AM, what's a few more hours in the frigid night air?
If you're willing to freeze your toes off -- instead of sleeping your meal off -- to get that plasma TV, you don't want to take the risk that someone will get to the store for the 8 PM opening the night before and snatch it up (and thus, your self-induced frostbite would be in vain).
I came across this (hopefully true) compilation of Black Friday horror stories, courtesy of Reddit.
Defecating in a dryer?!
Starbucks spontaneous entrepreneur?! (quite brilliant, actually...I'm a little bummed I didn't think to do that myself)
Trampling someone to DEATH?!
There is no way you can convince me that ANY sale would be worth dealing with crowds like these.
There is a disgusting website that keeps count of all the deaths and injuries that have been linked to rabid Black Friday shoppers. As absurd as it sounds, let's try to prevent The Onion from publishing an article that may turn out to be not so far-fetched.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanksgivvukah
The chalk writing says: "Aren't you glad you're not a turkey?"
Happy Thanksgivvukah. See you in December!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
I Can't, I Have Plans
One of my biggest pet peeves is when plans are canceled. At the last minute. For totally illegitimate reasons.
Excuses that have been used on me:
"I forgot, I made plans with someone else"
"I have a bar mitzvah to attend"
I know that emergencies can happen or last-minute commitments can arise. But there is nothing ruder (in my opinion) than canceling on someone hours (or, 30 minutes) before you're supposed to meet. And there is nothing more insulting than using an excuse that is so clearly not an emergency.
While I was (probably) looking forward to seeing this person, my biggest grievance with last-minute cancelers is that it is now too late for me to make replacement plans. Not only is this person leaving me to fend for myself, but he/she is also going off to engage in some other social activity - that was clearly planned in advance - without me.
Don't be this person. And don't use some lame excuse to cancel on your family's Thanksgiving plans, despite how unfun they might sound. Be a reliable person -- someone we can all be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgivvukah, everyone!
Excuses that have been used on me:
"I forgot, I made plans with someone else"
"I have a bar mitzvah to attend"
I know that emergencies can happen or last-minute commitments can arise. But there is nothing ruder (in my opinion) than canceling on someone hours (or, 30 minutes) before you're supposed to meet. And there is nothing more insulting than using an excuse that is so clearly not an emergency.
While I was (probably) looking forward to seeing this person, my biggest grievance with last-minute cancelers is that it is now too late for me to make replacement plans. Not only is this person leaving me to fend for myself, but he/she is also going off to engage in some other social activity - that was clearly planned in advance - without me.
Don't be this person. And don't use some lame excuse to cancel on your family's Thanksgiving plans, despite how unfun they might sound. Be a reliable person -- someone we can all be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgivvukah, everyone!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Contest Conspiracy
Over the course of my lifetime, I have entered thousands of contests.
Enter this raffle to win free tickets to a concert/all expense-paid trip to Disney/free dinner for 4 at a steakhouse.
Every time the opportunity presents itself (for free), I always enter. I know the chances are never in my favor, but I always think to myself "What if...?
The thing is, I've thought "What if?" SO many times that my lack of winning is statistically unlikely. This thought came into my head yesterday, when I visited the dentist. As usual, there was a little box in which you could put your raffle ticket (1 per visit!) with your name and phone number.
My family and I have been going to that dentist. for at least 15 years. We each go 2 or 3 times a year. There are 4 people in our family. This means at minimum we have entered these contests 120 times (and upwards of 200 times). How is it possible that we have never won the boombox (when that was a desirable prize)/snow tube/$25 gift card to our local grocery store?!
Answer: It's a conspiracy. There really is no winner. Think about it...do these contests ever announce the winners? Do you ever hear people saying, "YAY I won the [arbitrary contest] grand prize for me and a friend!"? Have you ever heard someone say, "Nah, I won't enter these sweepstakes because I've already won one." (And not just because they're good-hearted people). NOPE.
I hope this post is a first step towards exposing these illegitimate contest makers! (Or paying homage to the sweepstakes gods in the hopes that I win something one of these days.)
Enter this raffle to win free tickets to a concert/all expense-paid trip to Disney/free dinner for 4 at a steakhouse.
Every time the opportunity presents itself (for free), I always enter. I know the chances are never in my favor, but I always think to myself "What if...?
The thing is, I've thought "What if?" SO many times that my lack of winning is statistically unlikely. This thought came into my head yesterday, when I visited the dentist. As usual, there was a little box in which you could put your raffle ticket (1 per visit!) with your name and phone number.
My family and I have been going to that dentist. for at least 15 years. We each go 2 or 3 times a year. There are 4 people in our family. This means at minimum we have entered these contests 120 times (and upwards of 200 times). How is it possible that we have never won the boombox (when that was a desirable prize)/snow tube/$25 gift card to our local grocery store?!
Answer: It's a conspiracy. There really is no winner. Think about it...do these contests ever announce the winners? Do you ever hear people saying, "YAY I won the [arbitrary contest] grand prize for me and a friend!"? Have you ever heard someone say, "Nah, I won't enter these sweepstakes because I've already won one." (And not just because they're good-hearted people). NOPE.
I hope this post is a first step towards exposing these illegitimate contest makers! (Or paying homage to the sweepstakes gods in the hopes that I win something one of these days.)
Monday, November 25, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 15
15) Boredom
When I was a kid, my mom made me pay a nickel every time I said "I'm bored."
To her, being bored was unfathomable, seeing as how many puzzles/crafts/activities I had at my disposal. Between my extensive Play Doh collection and countless Fisher Price playsets, it was not physically possible for me to be bored. I know this. (And this was even before the internet was allowed in our house!)
Nowadays, we have even more things to entertain ourselves with - smart phones, tablets, e-readers - and yet, nothing can seem to hold our attention.
Have you ever been mindlessly browsing Facebook and gotten so bored that you opened up a new tab to go on Facebook to entertain yourself, only to realize that Facebook was the source of your boredom in the first place?
I have. Multiple times.
I don't think this problem is unique to me, though.
Just a few days ago, I received this PureWow's weekly newsletter in my inbox. It highlighted what the amended FAA regulations will now mean for air travelers.
The article discusses activities we can now do during takeoff that were once prohibited. These include exciting things like listening to your iPod, playing Candy Crush on your phone, or reading.
I'M SORRY. WHAT?!
We can now read on the plane?! As if that wasn't an option before? They actually list "reading" as a now-possible activity.
Let's rewind a second....AKA 6 years ago when the first Kindle came out. (Yes, it really is that recent.) Up until that point, people were actually reading from real books. Books that were never - and never will be - a prohibited item at any point of a flight.
Now, I love my technology and iProducts as much as the next traveler. But let's not forget to check back in with reality every so often and realize how many things we can do without something that requires charging.
When I was a kid, my mom made me pay a nickel every time I said "I'm bored."
To her, being bored was unfathomable, seeing as how many puzzles/crafts/activities I had at my disposal. Between my extensive Play Doh collection and countless Fisher Price playsets, it was not physically possible for me to be bored. I know this. (And this was even before the internet was allowed in our house!)
Nowadays, we have even more things to entertain ourselves with - smart phones, tablets, e-readers - and yet, nothing can seem to hold our attention.
Have you ever been mindlessly browsing Facebook and gotten so bored that you opened up a new tab to go on Facebook to entertain yourself, only to realize that Facebook was the source of your boredom in the first place?
I have. Multiple times.
I don't think this problem is unique to me, though.
Just a few days ago, I received this PureWow's weekly newsletter in my inbox. It highlighted what the amended FAA regulations will now mean for air travelers.
The article discusses activities we can now do during takeoff that were once prohibited. These include exciting things like listening to your iPod, playing Candy Crush on your phone, or reading.
I'M SORRY. WHAT?!
We can now read on the plane?! As if that wasn't an option before? They actually list "reading" as a now-possible activity.
Let's rewind a second....AKA 6 years ago when the first Kindle came out. (Yes, it really is that recent.) Up until that point, people were actually reading from real books. Books that were never - and never will be - a prohibited item at any point of a flight.
Now, I love my technology and iProducts as much as the next traveler. But let's not forget to check back in with reality every so often and realize how many things we can do without something that requires charging.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Tis the Season for Tourists
The holiday season is creeping its way into New York City, and tourists are arriving by the busload. The store windows are foggy (as is my breath) while doubledecker sightseeing buses round every corner.
There's a gym on the top floor of my building with panoramic views of NYC. Usually I find the skyline to motivational for running, but occasionally I glance downwards to the streets below. As the doubledecker buses go by, the tourists below look just like the people pegs in the Game of Life.
After seeing a few buses pass by on last night's chilly evening, I started thinking about how miserable it must be to be a tourist on one of those buses. In the winter, the second level of the bus is privy to the winter chill. In the summer, tourists are stuck in the blazing sun, breathing in the additional layer of atmosphere - unique to NYC - known as smog.
My advice to tourists: Do what I did. Move to New York. Not that we need more people living here...but the best way to truly see New York is from the ground, rather than soaring by at 20 feet above street level.
There's a gym on the top floor of my building with panoramic views of NYC. Usually I find the skyline to motivational for running, but occasionally I glance downwards to the streets below. As the doubledecker buses go by, the tourists below look just like the people pegs in the Game of Life.
After seeing a few buses pass by on last night's chilly evening, I started thinking about how miserable it must be to be a tourist on one of those buses. In the winter, the second level of the bus is privy to the winter chill. In the summer, tourists are stuck in the blazing sun, breathing in the additional layer of atmosphere - unique to NYC - known as smog.
My advice to tourists: Do what I did. Move to New York. Not that we need more people living here...but the best way to truly see New York is from the ground, rather than soaring by at 20 feet above street level.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Don't Wake Me Up
The worst ways to be woken up:
-window washers
-construction outside
-fire drill
-bad dream
-naturally, and an hour before your alarm is set to go off
-window washers
-construction outside
-fire drill
-bad dream
-naturally, and an hour before your alarm is set to go off
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
How Do I Measure Up?
Last week, it was confirmed by experts that One World Trade Center is the tallest building in the country.
Thank goodness.
For awhile, I had been under the impression - apparently, a false one - that something isn't actually a superlative until it is deemed so.
Although the height of One WTC hasn't changed since its completion, it had to be debated whether or not we would count the spire, despite the fact that it is is a continuation of the building.
Apparently, just because the spire reaches 1,776 feet doesn't mean the building gets to do so, also.
I suppose it's kind of like that boy in third grade who gelled his hair up. (Or, if you're like Pauly D from Jersey Shore, you still do.) Even though his hardened hair made him look taller, he wasn't actually taller than that boy whose mom made him comb his hair down. But, to experts - in this case, third grade girls - this technicality didn't matter. These gel-crazy boys got to stand in the back row on Picture Day (and we all know that's where the tallest ones were sent). At the end of the day, those boys get to look down on the heads of theWillis Tower comb-happy fellows.
Thank goodness.
For awhile, I had been under the impression - apparently, a false one - that something isn't actually a superlative until it is deemed so.
Although the height of One WTC hasn't changed since its completion, it had to be debated whether or not we would count the spire, despite the fact that it is is a continuation of the building.
Apparently, just because the spire reaches 1,776 feet doesn't mean the building gets to do so, also.
I suppose it's kind of like that boy in third grade who gelled his hair up. (Or, if you're like Pauly D from Jersey Shore, you still do.) Even though his hardened hair made him look taller, he wasn't actually taller than that boy whose mom made him comb his hair down. But, to experts - in this case, third grade girls - this technicality didn't matter. These gel-crazy boys got to stand in the back row on Picture Day (and we all know that's where the tallest ones were sent). At the end of the day, those boys get to look down on the heads of the
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Make Me Over
The other day, I had a few minutes to kill before meeting a friend for coffee. I decided to walk into Bloomingdale's, since their holiday window displays and Christmas lights were enticing on the gloomy day.
I was looking for nothing in particular, which left me vulnerable to commission-hungry cosmetic counter employees. I was browsing Michael Kors bags when an attractive male (who was NOT wearing a name tag) approached me and said, "OMG. Your eyes." I looked at him quizzically, and he asked me follow him....to a makeup counter.
As we approached the counter, he called out to another employee and says "Katie, aren't her eyes gorgeous?" Katie's back was to me, but she responded "OMG, so gorgeous!"
She hadn't even turned around yet.
That's when I knew I was in trouble.
I looked around at my surroundings and noted that I was at a Trish McEvoy counter. I've only heard of this brand in People magazine when celebs share their "beauty must-haves" and then the magazine provides you with affordable drug store alternatives.
Katie asks me what I use for my daily cleansing regime. After I list the 4 components of my routine, she manages to come up with a product that I am not yet using - a serum that contains "hyaluronic acid." I was unfamiliar with this chemical, so a quick Wikipedia search informed me that "hyaluronan contributes significantly to cell proliferation and migration, and may also be involved in the progression of some malignant tumors."
Needless to say, I was no longer interested in the serum. Katie then proceeded to douse me with eye serum AND eye cream (shockingly, they are separate products), while spilling the excess on my jeans. I was not happy.
She pulled out an under-eye concealer (apparently, I have severe dark circles). She expertly applied it to my right eye, and then handed it to me so I could complete the left side. Obviously, this resulted in having a perfectly concealed right eye, which only exaggerated the effects of my poorly concealed left eye.
At this point, I was ready to be done with this less-than-fun makeover. So, naturally, it was time for the sales pitch.
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum for $128? NO.
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum AND eye concealer for $199? NO.
Next time I go into a department store, I'm definitely just staying with handbags. At least they can't give you tumors.
I was looking for nothing in particular, which left me vulnerable to commission-hungry cosmetic counter employees. I was browsing Michael Kors bags when an attractive male (who was NOT wearing a name tag) approached me and said, "OMG. Your eyes." I looked at him quizzically, and he asked me follow him....to a makeup counter.
As we approached the counter, he called out to another employee and says "Katie, aren't her eyes gorgeous?" Katie's back was to me, but she responded "OMG, so gorgeous!"
She hadn't even turned around yet.
That's when I knew I was in trouble.
I looked around at my surroundings and noted that I was at a Trish McEvoy counter. I've only heard of this brand in People magazine when celebs share their "beauty must-haves" and then the magazine provides you with affordable drug store alternatives.
Katie asks me what I use for my daily cleansing regime. After I list the 4 components of my routine, she manages to come up with a product that I am not yet using - a serum that contains "hyaluronic acid." I was unfamiliar with this chemical, so a quick Wikipedia search informed me that "hyaluronan contributes significantly to cell proliferation and migration, and may also be involved in the progression of some malignant tumors."
Needless to say, I was no longer interested in the serum. Katie then proceeded to douse me with eye serum AND eye cream (shockingly, they are separate products), while spilling the excess on my jeans. I was not happy.
She pulled out an under-eye concealer (apparently, I have severe dark circles). She expertly applied it to my right eye, and then handed it to me so I could complete the left side. Obviously, this resulted in having a perfectly concealed right eye, which only exaggerated the effects of my poorly concealed left eye.
At this point, I was ready to be done with this less-than-fun makeover. So, naturally, it was time for the sales pitch.
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum for $128? NO.
Would I like to purchase the carcinogenic serum AND eye concealer for $199? NO.
Next time I go into a department store, I'm definitely just staying with handbags. At least they can't give you tumors.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 14
14) Long Leashes
New Yorkers love:
-dry cleaning
-rushing everywhere
-their dogs
Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure as a Manhattanite because I don't have a dog that can
a) fit in my purse or
b) take up half the sidewalk without anyone minding.
Dogs are always getting walked around, but I usually never mind or even take much notice.
I did notice, however, when a little weiner dog (aka a dachshund) ran in front of me...and kept going....and going....and THEN I saw the owner trailing behind.
I had never really thought about it before, but most dog walkers keep their pets on a fairly short leash, so the dog can be kept from leading too much and running into people/traffic/scaffolding. This dog owner, however, had her dog on an 10-foot leash, and couldn't keep it from chasing after a bike messenger and consequently getting tangled up on a bike rack.
I thought I was was rather disrespectful to fellow side walkers to have a dog with this free of a range on a very crowded street (34th Street).
Also, it's a bit absurd that the dog's leash was 8 times its length.
New Yorkers love:
-dry cleaning
-rushing everywhere
-their dogs
Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure as a Manhattanite because I don't have a dog that can
a) fit in my purse or
b) take up half the sidewalk without anyone minding.
Dogs are always getting walked around, but I usually never mind or even take much notice.
I did notice, however, when a little weiner dog (aka a dachshund) ran in front of me...and kept going....and going....and THEN I saw the owner trailing behind.
I had never really thought about it before, but most dog walkers keep their pets on a fairly short leash, so the dog can be kept from leading too much and running into people/traffic/scaffolding. This dog owner, however, had her dog on an 10-foot leash, and couldn't keep it from chasing after a bike messenger and consequently getting tangled up on a bike rack.
I thought I was was rather disrespectful to fellow side walkers to have a dog with this free of a range on a very crowded street (34th Street).
Also, it's a bit absurd that the dog's leash was 8 times its length.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Lost In Translation
My roommate detests people with accents. British, Southern, Irish...doesn't matter. I never understood her intolerance until a recent experience of my own. While I still do not share her strong feelings, I definitely can see where the language disconnect stems from.
When out with friends a few weeks ago, I met a few guys from across the pond (England). Although we were technically both speaking the same language, I had a lot of trouble understanding them due to their thick accents (and the noise at the bar).
I had a series of exchanges with one of the Brits, which left me confused and very much offended.
British phrases:
1) "Sorry, I'm knackered"
2) "I'm just taking the piss"
3) "Would you like to meet for a cheeky one?"
I figured this guy was drunk (knackered), needed to use the bathroom (taking the piss) and wanted to have a quickie (cheeky one). He explained that this was not the case, and properly interpreted the phrases for me.
Translation:
1) "I'm really tired"
2) "I'm just kidding"
3) "Want to get a beer?"
I couldn't believe that the Atlantic Ocean could create such a divide in communication. I suppose the Declaration of Independence really did its job; 250 years later, we Americans still have an independent vernacular. Turns out, I didn't have to worry about these miscommunications for much longer (he returned to the UK), but it's good to know that if I ever go abroad, I'll have some idea what the natives are saying to me (and if I should actually be offended or not).
--------------------
Addendum: I recently received a cell phone bill with international charges. I'm fighting Verizon on my obligation to pay him, citing "taxation without representation."
When out with friends a few weeks ago, I met a few guys from across the pond (England). Although we were technically both speaking the same language, I had a lot of trouble understanding them due to their thick accents (and the noise at the bar).
I had a series of exchanges with one of the Brits, which left me confused and very much offended.
British phrases:
1) "Sorry, I'm knackered"
2) "I'm just taking the piss"
3) "Would you like to meet for a cheeky one?"
I figured this guy was drunk (knackered), needed to use the bathroom (taking the piss) and wanted to have a quickie (cheeky one). He explained that this was not the case, and properly interpreted the phrases for me.
Translation:
1) "I'm really tired"
2) "I'm just kidding"
3) "Want to get a beer?"
I couldn't believe that the Atlantic Ocean could create such a divide in communication. I suppose the Declaration of Independence really did its job; 250 years later, we Americans still have an independent vernacular. Turns out, I didn't have to worry about these miscommunications for much longer (he returned to the UK), but it's good to know that if I ever go abroad, I'll have some idea what the natives are saying to me (and if I should actually be offended or not).
--------------------
Addendum: I recently received a cell phone bill with international charges. I'm fighting Verizon on my obligation to pay him, citing "taxation without representation."
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Properties of Punctuality
I have always tried to be on time. I grew up with a mom who was (amazingly!) always doing one task too many, and inevitably we arrived late the majority of all the time.
Since getting my driver's license and thus being able to independently transport myself, I became much more punctual, and often arrive early.*
However, it seems that Time [sic] always seems to outsmart me.
Whenever I am trying to catch a train, it works like this:
I'm not really sure what to do about it. My loathing of time wasted while waiting around (which is probably the Type A/East Coaster in me) always trumps my fear of missing the train. I suppose that living in Manhattan hasn't helped, because there is always another bus/subway within sight. I think from now on, I'm always going to stop for coffee...because even if I miss the train, at least I'll have my java.
*Disclaimer: I usually arrive late to social engagements, but more often than not that is on purpose. I hate a) wasting time while sitting around waiting for someone and b) looking like an idiot while sitting around waiting for someone. But I'm trying to improve these habits.
Since getting my driver's license and thus being able to independently transport myself, I became much more punctual, and often arrive early.*
However, it seems that Time [sic] always seems to outsmart me.
Whenever I am trying to catch a train, it works like this:
- I am early ---> train is extremely late
- I am exactly on time ---> train is extremely early and I arrive just as it is pulling away
- I am late ---> train is also late but not as late as I am, and I arrive just as it is pulling away
I'm not really sure what to do about it. My loathing of time wasted while waiting around (which is probably the Type A/East Coaster in me) always trumps my fear of missing the train. I suppose that living in Manhattan hasn't helped, because there is always another bus/subway within sight. I think from now on, I'm always going to stop for coffee...because even if I miss the train, at least I'll have my java.
*Disclaimer: I usually arrive late to social engagements, but more often than not that is on purpose. I hate a) wasting time while sitting around waiting for someone and b) looking like an idiot while sitting around waiting for someone. But I'm trying to improve these habits.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Do You Have A Reservation?
On multiple occasions, I have walked into an empty business (restaurant, nail salon, etc.) and been asked if I had a reservation, as though I would need one.
One time, when visiting my brother at his college, he and I went out to dinner. We went to eat at 5:00 (the same time most octogenarians do), so the restaurant was completely deserted. When we arrived, the host asked us if we had a reservation. When we said no, he huffed, and scrutinized his seating chart as if to find a place to put us (despite the fact that there were over forty empty tables in eyesight).
Recently, I went into a nice (albeit empty) waxing salon on a weekday afternoon.
I walked in at 1:21 PM.
"Do you have a reservation?"
--"Sorry, no"
"Ok, let me check the next available appointment. How is 1:30?"
--"That's fine!"
They take down my contact information, which lasted until 1:24 PM.
At 1:25 PM, the girl came out to get me.
I couldn't believe that they went through a whole show of telling me I would have to wait 9 minutes (the horror!) when in fact it turned out to be less than one minute of waiting time.
I believe that businesses play this reservation game because it promotes exclusivity and desire (see previous post on FOMO), but really, it just makes them look pretty ridiculous.
One time, when visiting my brother at his college, he and I went out to dinner. We went to eat at 5:00 (the same time most octogenarians do), so the restaurant was completely deserted. When we arrived, the host asked us if we had a reservation. When we said no, he huffed, and scrutinized his seating chart as if to find a place to put us (despite the fact that there were over forty empty tables in eyesight).
Recently, I went into a nice (albeit empty) waxing salon on a weekday afternoon.
I walked in at 1:21 PM.
"Do you have a reservation?"
--"Sorry, no"
"Ok, let me check the next available appointment. How is 1:30?"
--"That's fine!"
They take down my contact information, which lasted until 1:24 PM.
At 1:25 PM, the girl came out to get me.
I couldn't believe that they went through a whole show of telling me I would have to wait 9 minutes (the horror!) when in fact it turned out to be less than one minute of waiting time.
I believe that businesses play this reservation game because it promotes exclusivity and desire (see previous post on FOMO), but really, it just makes them look pretty ridiculous.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
FOMO
Living in New York City, I constantly experience FOMO.
(For all of you non-millennials, it stands for Fear Of Missing Out. It is a sensation experienced when you perceive others as having more fun than you currently are.)
I always pass by clubs with people crowded around the entrances. I see bars that are so full, people are sitting 4 to table built for 2. There are deals for $6 manicures, $2 beers, $1 sushi (I swear, I've seen it). I am confident enough to pass by these and calmly make peace with the fact that I'm not partaking in said activity.
The one thing that I can't resist, however, is when I see a long line on a random block for a unknown reason. Why are these hundreds of people all here? Is it a concert? A flash sale? A theater performance? An even newer iPhone?
I try to look for clues: are they all dressed the same? Do they have posters? Coupons in hand?
I've been part of these lines. I once went to a screening of an independent film, and the viewers lined up hours before the exclusive premiere. Passersby stopped to ask us why we were there and how they could join; suddenly, this event unknown to them becomes the most coveted thing, and they want nothing more to be apart of it.
I am guilty of that; I believe we all are. Everyone wants the opportunity to be part of something exclusive, even just for a few hours. Solution? Do more, so the only times you experience FOMO are when you're on your way to a different fun event.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Added 1/21/14
A perfect explanation
(For all of you non-millennials, it stands for Fear Of Missing Out. It is a sensation experienced when you perceive others as having more fun than you currently are.)
I always pass by clubs with people crowded around the entrances. I see bars that are so full, people are sitting 4 to table built for 2. There are deals for $6 manicures, $2 beers, $1 sushi (I swear, I've seen it). I am confident enough to pass by these and calmly make peace with the fact that I'm not partaking in said activity.
The one thing that I can't resist, however, is when I see a long line on a random block for a unknown reason. Why are these hundreds of people all here? Is it a concert? A flash sale? A theater performance? An even newer iPhone?
I try to look for clues: are they all dressed the same? Do they have posters? Coupons in hand?
I've been part of these lines. I once went to a screening of an independent film, and the viewers lined up hours before the exclusive premiere. Passersby stopped to ask us why we were there and how they could join; suddenly, this event unknown to them becomes the most coveted thing, and they want nothing more to be apart of it.
I am guilty of that; I believe we all are. Everyone wants the opportunity to be part of something exclusive, even just for a few hours. Solution? Do more, so the only times you experience FOMO are when you're on your way to a different fun event.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Added 1/21/14
A perfect explanation
Monday, November 11, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 13
13) Hangovers
I promise, I am not writing this post during/after experiencing one. (If I was, I would not have been able to focus on the computer screen for long enough to write this post.) However, I've had maybe one or two (I promise, no more than that, Mom and Dad), so I can attest to how brutal they are.
One of the gifts/curses of being a science major is that you understand exactly what is going on biologically.
One time, at a bar, I went up to the bartender and told him that "my MEOS pathway is in overdrive."
His response? "Well, that's the first time I've heard that one."
Hangovers suck because you feel like you're paying your body back for all the abuse you did to it the night before.
-A round of tequila shots = a construction site inside your head
-Power hour = not waking up until 3 PM
-Getting iced = eating only dry crackers for your meals
I think the worst part is that after you experience (and survive) one, you promise yourself that you are never going to do this to yourself again. And you mean it. But at some point or another, you end up hungover again, swearing lifelong sobriety to the porcelain gods.
I promise, I am not writing this post during/after experiencing one. (If I was, I would not have been able to focus on the computer screen for long enough to write this post.) However, I've had maybe one or two (I promise, no more than that, Mom and Dad), so I can attest to how brutal they are.
One of the gifts/curses of being a science major is that you understand exactly what is going on biologically.
One time, at a bar, I went up to the bartender and told him that "my MEOS pathway is in overdrive."
His response? "Well, that's the first time I've heard that one."
Hangovers suck because you feel like you're paying your body back for all the abuse you did to it the night before.
-A round of tequila shots = a construction site inside your head
-Power hour = not waking up until 3 PM
-Getting iced = eating only dry crackers for your meals
I think the worst part is that after you experience (and survive) one, you promise yourself that you are never going to do this to yourself again. And you mean it. But at some point or another, you end up hungover again, swearing lifelong sobriety to the porcelain gods.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Inverse Properties of Rain
It is mathematically proven (by my own observations) that there is an inverse property inherent to rain.
If you carry around a bulky umbrella that weighs down your bag, it won't rain.
If you forget to bring an umbrella, it will rain.
If you shlep around the city wearing rain boots, it won't rain.
If you wear brand new leather shoes, it will rain.
If you're wearing a water-proof head covering, it won't rain.
If you've just gotten your hair done, it will rain.
I've learned to stop trusting meteorologists. They have this amazing job where you can be wrong all the time and no one will doubt your qualifications for the job. I know for a fact that when I leave my house unprepared for wet weather, there will be precipitation. I know that when I leave fully decked out in rain gear, it will be the driest day in history.
Moral of the story? Carry a lightweight umbrella with you everywhere you go, in the hopes that you will outsmart Mother Nature.
If you carry around a bulky umbrella that weighs down your bag, it won't rain.
If you forget to bring an umbrella, it will rain.
If you shlep around the city wearing rain boots, it won't rain.
If you wear brand new leather shoes, it will rain.
If you're wearing a water-proof head covering, it won't rain.
If you've just gotten your hair done, it will rain.
I've learned to stop trusting meteorologists. They have this amazing job where you can be wrong all the time and no one will doubt your qualifications for the job. I know for a fact that when I leave my house unprepared for wet weather, there will be precipitation. I know that when I leave fully decked out in rain gear, it will be the driest day in history.
Moral of the story? Carry a lightweight umbrella with you everywhere you go, in the hopes that you will outsmart Mother Nature.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
I Am Not A Dog
How would you summon a pet?
Whistle, snap your fingers, shout.
How do you get the attention of someone on the street?
Apparently, the same way.
I don't have enough fingers to count the number of times I've been inappropriately called out to by strange men who think that blowing kisses or winking suggestively is acceptable.
I am not a dog. I am not the neighborhood cat.
It is NOT okay to get my attention as you would an animal.
If you can't resist the urge to do so, buy yourself a pet.
Whistle, snap your fingers, shout.
How do you get the attention of someone on the street?
Apparently, the same way.
I don't have enough fingers to count the number of times I've been inappropriately called out to by strange men who think that blowing kisses or winking suggestively is acceptable.
I am not a dog. I am not the neighborhood cat.
It is NOT okay to get my attention as you would an animal.
If you can't resist the urge to do so, buy yourself a pet.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
"C" Below
One of the best things to have happened to NYC is the requirement of the display of sanitary grades. I consider myself to be a grade snob, and you will have a very hard time convincing me to eat at a place that is ranked anything other than an "A."
(I tell my friends that I won't eat from a food truck because they don't receive sanitary inspection grades, but it's really just because I don't want to eat food that's been saturated by NYC's air pollution.)
I have been known to eat at an occasional "B" restaurant, but only in the cases in which I've eaten at the restaurant in the past - and loved it - and can't resist going back. But, if it's a new place, and it's between dining at an A-rated McDonald's or a B-rated gourmet pizza place, I'd be inclined to choose McDonald's. Most likely.
"B" restaurants can get by if they cleverly abscond their letter or just serve high quality food that is too yummy to resist.
What I don't understand, however, is how "C" restaurants can still open their doors. I learned (after researching on the internet) that restaurants have the choice to display their grade or "Grade Pending" if anything other than an "A" is received. This means that a handful of restaurants - although admittedly, I've only seen a few in Manhattan - have the cojones to display their "C." Perhaps the "C" actually stands for cojones.
More likely, however, it means that you should avoid these restaurants at all costs.
(I tell my friends that I won't eat from a food truck because they don't receive sanitary inspection grades, but it's really just because I don't want to eat food that's been saturated by NYC's air pollution.)
I have been known to eat at an occasional "B" restaurant, but only in the cases in which I've eaten at the restaurant in the past - and loved it - and can't resist going back. But, if it's a new place, and it's between dining at an A-rated McDonald's or a B-rated gourmet pizza place, I'd be inclined to choose McDonald's. Most likely.
"B" restaurants can get by if they cleverly abscond their letter or just serve high quality food that is too yummy to resist.
What I don't understand, however, is how "C" restaurants can still open their doors. I learned (after researching on the internet) that restaurants have the choice to display their grade or "Grade Pending" if anything other than an "A" is received. This means that a handful of restaurants - although admittedly, I've only seen a few in Manhattan - have the cojones to display their "C." Perhaps the "C" actually stands for cojones.
More likely, however, it means that you should avoid these restaurants at all costs.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
If You Smell Something, Say Something
The other day, a woman sat down next to me on the crosstown bus. It was a rather chilly day, so she was bundled up in scarves and layers.
She proceeded to take out a bottle of perfume and spray her neck no less than 7 times. Like I said, I was sitting directly next to her, so very quickly, her perfume became mine, and my clothes (and olfactory senses) were soon flooded with "musty rose" or whatever she chose to apply.
City buses are NOT the time to apply perfume.
Do that outside while you're waiting for the bus, in the well-ventilated streets of New York.
Do it at home, before you leave, so your skin has time to absorb it.
Do it when you arrive at your destination, so your friends/loved one/employer can smell you. Instead of me.
She proceeded to take out a bottle of perfume and spray her neck no less than 7 times. Like I said, I was sitting directly next to her, so very quickly, her perfume became mine, and my clothes (and olfactory senses) were soon flooded with "musty rose" or whatever she chose to apply.
City buses are NOT the time to apply perfume.
Do that outside while you're waiting for the bus, in the well-ventilated streets of New York.
Do it at home, before you leave, so your skin has time to absorb it.
Do it when you arrive at your destination, so your friends/loved one/employer can smell you. Instead of me.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 12
12) Sorry, Not Sorry
Perhaps one of my favorite hashtags, #sorrynotsorry perfectly embodies a disingenuous apology for something about which you feel guilty.
A few exampls of modern usage:
I ate the last cupcake #sorrynotsorry
Got kicked out of Starbucks for staying too long without buying more #sorrynotsorry
Took 3 extra items into the dressing room #sorrynotsorry
You get that point.
However, there are times that I am genuinely sorry for things, in which case I simply say "sorry." That usually does the trick, unless of course the person doesn't believe you.
Yesterday, I walked into Grand Central Station to surrender 4 hours of my life to the Apple Store (but I can't complain, I got the new iPhone 5S and it's perfectly awesome). As I walked in, a custodial worker was crossing the hallway with a large bag of recycling. He was crossing at a diagonal while I (and 100 other people) walked parallel.
See diagram below:
| Man |
| - |
| - |
| - |
| - |
| Me |
| Flatbed |
I realized that he was walking towards the spot that I would soon be approaching, but figured he would divert his path to:
a) go with the flow of traffic
b) go towards the flatbed truck behind me to which he would be unloading the bag.
He did not change course, and thus I lightly bumped into the bag. I said sorry, and continued walking, when I hear behind me, "No, you're not."
I turned around.
"Excuse me?"
--"You said you're sorry. You're not sorry."
"Yes, I am. I didn't mean to bump into you."
--"Yes, you did. You saw me coming and you walked right into me."
"I thought you were going to go around because that's where the empty cart was. I'm sorry."
--"No, you're not! Stop saying you're sorry if it wasn't genuine. I know you're not sorry."
At this point, I walked away.
I was completely taken aback; who was he to tell me that I wasn't sorry?! Like I said, I'm a huge fan of being sorrynotsorry when appropriate, but this was not one of those times. I was genuinely sorry for the light collision, and could not believe that he was attacking me because he believed otherwise.
I began to write the day off as a very negative experience, until some absolutely wonderful employees at the Apple store made my day by getting me the new iPhone and fixing my Mac for free. And then I indulged in an all-too-expensive cup of cappuccino from Irving Farm. Sorrynotsorry.
Perhaps one of my favorite hashtags, #sorrynotsorry perfectly embodies a disingenuous apology for something about which you feel guilty.
A few exampls of modern usage:
I ate the last cupcake #sorrynotsorry
Got kicked out of Starbucks for staying too long without buying more #sorrynotsorry
Took 3 extra items into the dressing room #sorrynotsorry
You get that point.
However, there are times that I am genuinely sorry for things, in which case I simply say "sorry." That usually does the trick, unless of course the person doesn't believe you.
Yesterday, I walked into Grand Central Station to surrender 4 hours of my life to the Apple Store (but I can't complain, I got the new iPhone 5S and it's perfectly awesome). As I walked in, a custodial worker was crossing the hallway with a large bag of recycling. He was crossing at a diagonal while I (and 100 other people) walked parallel.
See diagram below:
| Man |
| - |
| - |
| - |
| - |
| Me |
| Flatbed |
I realized that he was walking towards the spot that I would soon be approaching, but figured he would divert his path to:
a) go with the flow of traffic
b) go towards the flatbed truck behind me to which he would be unloading the bag.
He did not change course, and thus I lightly bumped into the bag. I said sorry, and continued walking, when I hear behind me, "No, you're not."
I turned around.
"Excuse me?"
--"You said you're sorry. You're not sorry."
"Yes, I am. I didn't mean to bump into you."
--"Yes, you did. You saw me coming and you walked right into me."
"I thought you were going to go around because that's where the empty cart was. I'm sorry."
--"No, you're not! Stop saying you're sorry if it wasn't genuine. I know you're not sorry."
At this point, I walked away.
I was completely taken aback; who was he to tell me that I wasn't sorry?! Like I said, I'm a huge fan of being sorrynotsorry when appropriate, but this was not one of those times. I was genuinely sorry for the light collision, and could not believe that he was attacking me because he believed otherwise.
I began to write the day off as a very negative experience, until some absolutely wonderful employees at the Apple store made my day by getting me the new iPhone and fixing my Mac for free. And then I indulged in an all-too-expensive cup of cappuccino from Irving Farm. Sorrynotsorry.
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