Great Inventions

Let's go chronologically.

Airplanes.
Mad credit, Wright brothers. Every time I step on a plane (or see one overhead), I am still astounded that the technology exists to get something that weighs multiple tons up in the air and fly thousands of miles without stopping. Actually, thinking about it, it's quite scary. 

Online news.
I love reading the newspaper. I cannot express the thrill that runs through me on weekend mornings when I open the door and find the NY Times on my doorstep. But, as I have learned, newspapers are often very cumbersome to read due to their size, maneuverability, and ink-staining capacities. Therefore, I am grateful that I can scan CNN's 5 Things To Know For Your New Day on my computer while I eat breakfast, or read my daily email from The Skimm on my phone during crowded morning commutes. While I do love relaxing on the couch/beach/rooftop with my newspaper, it is quite helpful to be in the know, on the go. 

Seamless.
Living in New York City, the myriad of food options can be overwhelming. Having the ability to "seamlessly" (hey there!) search by location, cuisine, price, delivery time, etc. is just amazing. The fact that they created a mobile app that allows you to order delicious food on your way home from work/the bar and not worry about having cash on hand is truly amazing. And potentially dangerous.

Commercial Break

I used to believe that the art of advertising was pretty much dead, to be resurrected solely through its spotlight on Mad Men.

However, there are a few commercials I've seen recently that I think are absolutely brilliant. I'm not sure if there's any sort of Academy Awards for TV advertisements, so I'm dedicating today's blog post to this worthy cause. 

1) Dunkin Donuts 
http://vimeo.com/39286968
I wish that they just ended the commercial after the first 7 seconds, but who am I to say? I still find it to be very clever.

2) AT&T
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l61LjTwME7w
Kids taking part in a focus group?! Could not get cuter.


I feel the need to point out that although I love these commercials, I still buy their rival products. I would rather walk four more blocks to Starbucks than get Dunkin Donuts at the place on the corner. I have been a loyal Verizon subscriber for the past decade (although at the time I joined, it was because they had the best deal on texting plans...which is no longer a thing).


And, last but not least:

3) Target
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXDGxxif2_U
A bit off-season, but completely worth the mention.

Brilliantly done...but I never actually needed any convincing to shop at Target.

Life Goals (continued)

-Get on Jeopardy. Then I can find out if Alex Trebek is as cocky in real life as he seems on TV. And then I can stop shouting at the TV as though my correct answers will actually win me money.

-Reunite something lost with its owner. This could be anything- a child, a puppy, or a wallet. I'm not picky. I just think it would be a really satisfying, emotional experience. (Admittedly, one time I did reunite a toddler lost in a mall with her mother, but the mother seemed entirely unaware/unconcerned that her 5-year-old was no longer by her side. I was more angry at her poor parenting than filled with joy.)

-Meet someone with the same exact name as me. I think my last name is too unique for this to happen, though. There's no one in the world who has my last name to whom I'm not related. (This has been concluded after numerous Facebook searches.)

The Worst Elevator Ride

(For the record, this has happened to me twice. I emphasize this because I thought I imagined it the first time, but the fact that this happened again reaffirmed that it really did.)

There's a family that lives in another apartment on my floor: two middle-aged parents and a 20-something daughter. Every so often, we happen to leave for our respective jobs at the same time in the morning and end up taking the elevator together.

Twice, the situation played out exactly like this:

We get into the elevator. The father says something in a foreign language to his wife and daughter. They both turn, look at me, and laugh. Then the mother says something, again in the same language that I cannot understand, while she eyes me up and down. The other two then look at me again.

This continues for 17 very long flights on our downward descent. The family continues chatting the whole time, looking at me far too regularly and smiling at me in a way that is much more mocking than friendly. They make no attempt to hide the fact that THEY ARE SO CLEARLY TALKING ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

I figure that I have a few options:
a) ignore them and pretend it's not happening
b) make rude faces at them (always a universal language)
c) learn whatever language they're speaking so I can join in on their conversation and revel in the look of shock on their faces

Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 5

5) Inconsiderate commuters

Everyone who has to travel on public transportation to get to (or from) work is grumpy. That's a fact. 

But there are those select few people who are so fed up with prospect of rush hour that they make the experience even worse for others.

A few examples:

-The Seat Hog: I got on a very crowded bus after work last week. It was standing room only...until I looked towards the back and saw a woman taking up THREE seats all to herself. She was sitting in one, had her shopping bags in the seat next to her, and then had her feet out resting on the seat in front of her. (Needless to say, I walked over and stared her down until she vacated one of her three seats.)

-The Conversationalist: I am not riding the bus so that I can talk to other people. Either it's far too early in the morning for pleasantries, or it's after work and my brain is fried. Regardless of the time of day, I do not wish to speak to the people next to me about: a) the weather b) the never-ending construction or c) their cat. 

-The Squeezer: Subway cars and buses have a maximum capacity. That value is exceeded by a minimum of double the carrying capacity. Any studier of evolution would know that when a population exceeds its carrying capacity, there is extinction. Or, in the case of commuters, extra grumpiness. I stepped onto the 6 train the other day coming home from work. Moments before the door closed, four women ran onto the train, pushing me further inside with their momentum. One yelled out "There's always room for more!" No, no there is not.

Six Degrees of (Facebook) Separation

I am pretty sure that BuzzFeed has already drawn attention to this subject, but one of the most exhilarating feelings is realizing that you are somehow connected to a stranger that you have just met.

Facebook is key to facilitating this: the "mutual friends" feature is by far one of the most brilliant concepts invented.

Having just started a new job, I was thrilled by the opportunity to meet new people and, more importantly, figure out what friends we have in common.

Turns out, the world is much smaller than we think it is. I'm not saying that a rural Malaysian farmer is BFF with Paris Hilton's aunt, but people from the same metropolitan areas tend to run in parallel circles (although geometrically, circles cannot be parallel...but that's besides the point).

Making connections can really help you - professionally, of course, but also through social validation:
"I've never met you before? Not sure what I think about you. OH, you went to camp with my cousin's best friend's ex-boyfriend? You must be cool!"

Maybe that situation is a little exaggerated, but, overall, humans naturally feel more comfortable among those with whom they socially overlap. And, thanks to Facebook, we can make those social connections as quickly as we can connect to the Wifi.

"Finding Yourself" and Other Goals of My Generation

I consider my generation to be very privileged. Yes, I am generalizing, but for the most part, my contemporary peers have access to technology, which affords us so many options. It allows us to live vicariously through others on the Internet. We can us Expedia to search for inexpensive travel deals and see the world. There are YouTube tutorials available to teach you everything from new languages to knitting stitches. We literally have the world at our fingertips: corny, I know, but true. 

What I don't understand is how my generation still feels the need to "find yourself" elsewhere, as if it's a destination waiting for you in a foreign country. A country like Zimbabwe or Singapore or Iceland most likely does not inherently have all of your inner secrets and truths. I doubt very highly that one can walk off the plane in a foreign land and momentously "understand who you are." 

Logically, it makes no sense. Illogically, it still makes no sense. 

I resent that people ignore their privileges and pretend as though all that they have available is somehow not enough. When my grandfather came to this country from Poland, his goal was to support himself. Figuring out "who he wanted to be" was not a goal; it was a consequence of finding means to survive. 

Perhaps I'm biased, but I find that living in New York City, in the heart of America, provides a wealth of experiences. Even if you take NYC out of the equation, I truly believe that who you are is not a product of where you are. If you still feel this need to find yourself, chances are you already have - and you don't like the person you are.

Rather than moving halfway across the world, I suggest spending your efforts (and money) on where you are now - physically AND emotionally - and actively trying to change yourself, rather than waiting for the world to change you.

The Worst Feelings In The World

-Oversleeping 
(and then the moment when you wake up and see the time)

-Forgetting your lunch
(especially when you stayed up 10 minutes past your bed time/point of exhaustion to prepare it)

-Having wet feet
(most likely a result of getting caught in the rain in non-waterproof shoes) 

-When the Internet goes down
(and you feel like you have lost all source of communication with the civilized world)

-Missing the bus/train
(the feeling is accentuated if you actually ran to catch it)

It's A Sign

One of the aspects I love most about living in New York is that walking around the city is never uneventful. I get bored while walking when there is nothing to see (one of the many reasons I hate the treadmill). But, in New York, the ever-changing scenery of store fronts, Con Ed trucks, and fake pocketbook vendors keeps me healthily entertained. 

I think the store signs are my favorite part of walking. I have passed stores with signs inviting me inside (European Wax Center: "Walk in, Strut out!") or guaranteeing me that they have "New York's Best [fill in the blank]." The most entertaining ones include spelling mistakes or are inexplicably strange.

I've photographed some of my favorites.

Optometrist, 3rd Avenue:

  

The use of bold, italics, and THREE exclamation points just make it that much more exciting.

Gym, 2nd Avenue:

 

 No excuses for your inability to differentiate between "your" and "you're".

Restaurant, 7th Avenue:

 Verbs are just a waste of chalk.

Shoe store, 1st Avenue:

 

OH THANK GOODNESS. As soon as I see a 50% off sign, the first thing that comes to my mind is whether or not crocodile shoes would be included in the sale. Thank you for quelling my fears.

Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 4

4) Sales tax

As someone who shops, eats, and buys essential items to live, I have decided that one of the cruelest things in existence is sales tax.

I know from a rational economical standpoint, tax is entirely necessary to fund national programs, our military, blah blah blah.

But, when I purchase something for a reasonable price and then at checkout the price jumps up due to tax, I am not happy.

$1.99 for a package of box of tissues? Great! Oh wait - thanks to tax, now it's $2.13. Don't have 13 cents? NO! Now you receive 87 cents back in coins and we all know that change is basically useless/meaningless/just weighs down your swag.

Honesty, I would rather that they build tax into the price of the items before listing it. It would help prepare me for the result instead of tainting the final moments of my shopping experience.

The Customer Is Always Wrong

Customer Service, as we know it, is dead.

I have had countless experiences over the past few years in which employees at a business have argued with me and made me feel very, very stupid.

Here are a few examples: 

-Once, I was at Forever 21 buying a few items. As the clerk put the receipt and my items into a bag, the receipt fell to the floor.

Customer (me): Excuse me, the receipt fell.
Employee: No, I put it in the bag.
Customer: No, it's on the floor.
Employee: NO, I placed it in the bag.
Customer: I just saw the receipt fall to the floor.
Employee: No you didn't, I just put it in the bag. 
Customer: Can you please check?
(Employee searches the bag, finds no receipt....looks down, sees the receipt on the floor)
Employee: Oh, yea. It was on the floor.

No apology. No acknowledgement that he argued with me about seeing something that actually happened. I walked out quite disgruntled.



-I am an unashamed coffee addict, and now that I live in New York, the frequency of Starbucks is too much temptation to resist. Last weekend, I picked up a large - I mean, venti - iced coffee with skim milk, no sweetener...aka my usual. Upon drinking it, it tasted off, but I figured that they might have used whole milk instead of skim, or added some sweetener. Ten minutes after I finished my drink, I was feeling queasy. An hour later, I was bowing to the porcelain gods. Since I hadn't eaten anything else that day, I knew the coffee was the only thing in my system that could have done it. I went back to Starbucks the next day to tell them, not as a complaint but just so they were aware that the skim milk they were serving was very much spoiled.

Customer: Hi, I was here yesterday, and I think I got food poisoning from spoiled milk you served.
Employee #1: (eyes grow wide) Woah. Um. Ok.
Customer: I just wanted to let you know, in case anyone else came in and said something.
Employee #1: Uh, no, no one did.
Customer: Ok. Well, I'm pretty sure it was the milk that had gone bad. That's all.
Employee #2: (overhearing the conversation, she decides to jump in) Food poisoning takes at least 24 hours to set in! It MUST have been something you ate the night before. Not the coffee.

Oh really, Miss Food Scientist?! I'm pretty sure spoiled milk can decide to upset your system as quickly as it likes. And, I had reiterated multiple times that I was not trying to pick a fight, just simply inform them. I had already purchased another drink (let's face it - no coffee consuming experience could ever be enough to scare me off from coffee permanently) so I was clearly not about to become disloyal to them. Why make me feel stupid and like I'm lying about something that actually happened?! Would they like a sample of my you-know-what to clear their name?!

Downfalls of Being a New Yorker

New York City has so many advantages. 
You can get Chinese food/pizza slices/warm cookies at any time of night, any day of the year. 
You can hear 50 different languages spoken (and not just when you're outside the UN).
You can ride the subway from the Bronx to Queens for just $2.50.

I love the convenience of restaurants, stores, and coffee shops on every corner. I love that you can find virtually anything you need within a 2 mile radius (especially in Manhattan). I love that there is essentially no need for a car...except on very few occasions.

Every so often, you have to buy something awkward. Whether that be an over-sized painting, a piece of furniture, or something else that is too light to justify paying for home delivery but too awkward to carry home, you really wish you had a car. 

On my way home from work the other day, I looked out towards the street and saw my reflection. A man happened to be walking by, carrying a very large mirror facing outwards, thus reflecting the entire sidewalk scene. While the effect was pretty cool, it was an uncomfortable moment for all sidewalk goers, and the man looked miserable about the amount of attention he was attracting. While there is always the option to take a cab, it is inevitable that some amount of walking with your purchase will be required (and then of course the awkward transfer from street-to-cab and cab-to-street). Ultimately, you will end up looking like a fumbling idiot, while everyone else evaluates the quality of your purchase.

I have also encountered this awkward problem when buying personal items from the drugstore. For some reason, every single drug store's bags are made out of translucent plastic. Unless you triple bag your items (thereby single-handedly destroying 1% of the earth's atmosphere in the process), everyone you pass on the street will know if you prefer Playtex over Tampax. The solution, of course, is to use tote bags, but let's be honest: even the most environmentally-conscious New Yorker never remembers to bring reusable bags every time.

Life Goals

1) Be featured on Humans of New York.
I'm pretty sure that almost every New Yorker, tourist, and introvert who dedicates his time to stalking others on the internet has a very real desire to make it on to this iconic blog. I will admit that whenever I'm wearing a particularly unique outfit, I secretly hope that Brandon Stanton will choose that day to find me. 

2) Learn how to keep orchids alive.
I cannot manage to keep these flowers alive, no matter how infrequently I water them or keep the plant out of direct sunlight (apparently, those are the counter-intuitive instructions for growing them). I'm embarrassed to admit the number of times that I have unsuccessfully tried to grow them. 

3) Learn enough of an exotic restaurant to order food at an exotic restaurant.
It is a super impressive talent when someone can waltz into a fancy restaurant that serves foreign cuisine and effortlessly interpret the menu and order in the cuisine's respective language. You just have to hope that the waitstaff also knows the language...

How Not to Win Girls

The other day, I walked into a bar during happy hour to meet up with some coworkers. The crowd at the bar was the typical collection of 9-to-5ers looking to blow off some steam, meet up with friends, or go on a casual date.

I saw a young couple at the bar sitting awkwardly far apart from one another, looking nervous, and making indirect eye contact. Clearly, this was a first date.

Before ordering their drinks, I saw the guy take out his phone and show the bartender something, who nodded and walked away to makea drink.

Curious, I got closer to see what was on his phone.

It was a coupon.

Apparently, if you "check in" at the bar, you receive ONE FREE DRINK!

While I am all for free drinks (or free anything, really), I figured it was a universal rule that you cannot use coupons on a date (or at least, not a first date). 
If you have a voucher for a free drink that you really want to use, you can:
 a) show up early, get the free drink & get your buzz on so you're less nervous when your date arrives
b) USE IT ANOTHER TIME.

Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 3

3) Double sets of doors that are "handicap accessible"

I went to college at place that touted its diverse, welcoming community as its best feature. However, visitors and sports-injured students soon learn that physical handicaps proved to be quite limiting when navigating the campus. From the steep hills to the sidewalks permanently cracked by New England winter storms, you must be in adequate physical shape to make it to class without getting a hernia. The most limiting aspect, however, are the double set of doors.

There's a nice red button situated in an extremely inconvenient position to the right of the first set of doors. 
As a non-wheelchair-bound individual, reaching (or rather, finding) the button requires some effort. But to a handicapped person, I cannot imagine how difficult it is to wheel up to the button, push it, and then quickly wheel away as the doors respond, opening to the exact spot where you were just located so that you could reach the button.

So, let's say you made it through the first round of doors. Of course, your stress levels are high because you had to do some very quick wheel maneuvering to avoid getting hit by the very doors you were trying to get through.

This brings us to the awkward antechamber. As the first set of demon doors close behind you, another obstacle lies ahead. 

Answer me this:
If you require the use of the first set of doors opening via hydraulics, why would the second set of doors not just open in succession?
What design idiot thought it was necessary to install a second button in the first place?!


This conundrum is not unique to my college campus. I have encountered this design flaw in numerous other places and actually cannot understand the logic behind it. I am fortunate that I am not wheelchair bound, but I'll be the first to admit it; there are times that I am feeling lazy (or more excusably, carrying one too many items to balance), and I realize how ridiculous it is that the double set of doors do not automatically open in unison.

NYC Tourists

At one point or another, most people have the opportunity to be a tourist. It's a wonderful chance to experience new cultures, foods, and languages. However, everyone knows that it doesn't actually count as a trip unless you document your exploration with a minimum of 100 photos per square mile of area toured. I know how it exciting it is to return home eager to upload your Facebook album to not-so-subtly brag to your friends/social network about the fabulous time you had abroad.

I appreciate it. I really do.
Except when these picture-taking tourists block the ENTIRE width of sidewalk and I'm trying to pass by them to get to work.

Oh, you had to choose this square of pavement to plant your entire clan and take a family photo?!

This stretch of sidewalk happens to be the "perfect" angle for you to pose with the Empire State Building in the background?!

Did you even realize that that's actually the Chrysler Building?! I know, I know, common misconception because it's so much prettier, but now there are TWO buildings in this city that are serving as tourist-entrapping backdrops.

However, it's not just the incessant photography.

For some reason that I really, truly can't understand, many tourists use their trip to New York to purchase luggage. I cannot even try to count the number of "I <3 NY" wearing people I have seen shlepping around pieces luggage that still have their purchase tags attached. It is really unfair that these sidewalk-hogging humans would actually buy items that increase their breadth on the sidewalks. 

And it gets worse.

If you've ever been in NYC when it rains, you know how miserable it is. Traffic increases. Commuters stream into the subways or get physically aggressive while hailing cabs. The worst part, though, are the umbrellas. Sidewalks that are three feet wide are not made to fit 8 people AND their respective umbrellas. And when the inevitable onset of scaffolding absconds half of the usable sidewalk space, people and umbrellas become a tangled mess.

I feel bad for the tall people. Their faces become perfect targets for umbrella spokes. The short people also have it bad, since the unending parade of umbrellas overhead creates an opaque ceiling. The one uniting factor, however, between these height-segregated folks is their mutual hate for the tourists. With their unreasonably-sized golf umbrellas, the tourists remain oblivious to the tall and the short, and are only interested in navigating their way through Times Square to nearest department store from which they can buy more luggage.

Facts of Life - Part 1

1) The best comebacks always pop into your head at the exact point when the insulter is too far away to hear them. Your brain actually withholds such witty comebacks from you to further infuriate you and prolong the effect of the insult, so that your comeback will feel that more justified.

2) The more expensive the restaurant, the less food they give you. It's Restaurant Week (aka month) in NYC and I've been trying out some very fancy places, but they give you the tiniest portions. Yes, my entree of hand-rolled pasta looks delicious...as an appetizer. Perhaps this is the supersized American mindset thinking in me, but I feel as though the restaurants are taunting you for paying so much money for a plate that's covered more by parsley garnish than actual food.

3) Gchat was invented so that people could talk to their friends while at work without getting caught. Even when hidden in another tab, the word "Facebook" is far too eye-catching. You constantly fear the chiming sound that will report to the entire office that you are clearly Facebooking instead of working. The geniuses at Google managed to salvage the disaster that was Google+ (seriously, they have got to stop pushing that) with Gchat, since it will forever trump Facebook Chat. At least in all work-related scenarios.

Evidence of Unintelligent Life Forms

I have a younger brother who is at least 8 inches taller than me. Although I am obviously more mature than he, due to his height, people often have trouble guessing who is older.

While I have grown to expect the occasional "OMG are you guys twins?!" reaction, the worst we have ever received was:
"Are you guys, like, identical twins?"

Yes, yes we are. We are from the same embryo that divided in a post-blastocyst phase and SOMEHOW one fetus was XX and the other was XY. We are the first set of bigender identical twins ever known to mankind. Can you believe how lucky you are to meet us?!

NOT.

Think about it. How could a boy and a girl possibly be identical twins?! There are many, many, MANY features that distinguish us. Facial hair. Adam's apple. Need I keep going...?

I am just a little worried that people who say such things are representing our population. And who knows? If people like this keep promoting scientifically-impossible things, soon everyone will think that Twinkies never go bad or that redheads are going extinct. (Thank goodness, we are not).

It's All in the Name

I do not have a degree in linguistics, nor do I pretend to actually be fully knowledgeable about the English language. However, in my lifespan thus far, I have encountered some complexities in the English language that are worth sharing.

Professional – This adjective is added to the description of beauty products to immediately raise the impression of the quality and allow for a 50% price increase. It’s not just a nose hair trimmer…it’s a professional nose hair trimmer. See the difference? Immediately that word alone makes you covet the product that much more and justify you paying double the price.

Organic - When applied to any product, this word immediately increases both the cost AND your social status. Win win! When you're using organic products, no one can judge you because you are obviously more concerned about the environment/bodily toxins/overspending than they will ever be. 

Hipster – This movement of people dressing and acting ironically was definitely set into motion by someone who didn’t know how to be cool and also owned a lot of ugly clothing. A hideous knit brown sweater is cool if it’s deemed a hipster sweater. It also has become acceptable to drink out of glass jars (just like pioneers did!) and complain about how wrong it is to give in to expensive indulgences (while simultaneously owning every Apple product in existence).

Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 2

2) Chopsticks

This is not intended to be racist or culturally ignorant. I just believe it should be acknowledged how ridiculous it is to use two sticks of wood to eat a cuisine whose main staple is tiny bits of grain.

Have you ever tried to pick up a single piece of rice with a pair of chopsticks? Have you ever managed to pick up a whole clump of rice without losing a few grains on the journey from the bowl to your mouth?

No, no you have not.

Most likely, you have tried (in vain) to accurately consume an Asian style meal. You had hoped that by using chopsticks, you would authenticate the whole experience (despite the fact that the Chinese/Japanese/Korean food you are buying in America is far from authentic). You probably realized how much effort, balance, and concentration was required to simply get a whole mouthful of food, and realized how fruitless you efforts were if you wanted to finish your food before morning. Possibly, you tried out the "kid's version" of chopsticks with the rubberband to keep them together, but realized:
a) how pathetic you looked 
b) how the waitress laughed at you 
c) how it was still impossible to grab enough rice to qualify as a bite. 

So, you caved in and used a spoon. You used a utensil that is perfectly crafted for picking up hundreds of grains of rice at a time and ensuring that they all make it into your mouth. And, although you actually felt satiated after your meal, you felt guilty for taking the easy way out.

I don't understand why it is not acceptable to use a spoon all the time. Why must you ask in restaurants to have one? Why have Asian countries not yet realized how useful the spoon is to the rice-eating experience? Am I missing something?! Or is everyone else just trying to impress one another with their chopstick finesse that they are too proud to admit how much easier it would be to JUST USE A SPOON.



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Definitions for the Culturally Oblivious

Smart phone – A phrase used to refer to mobile devices that are not iPhones, so that consumers can feel better about their purchase (despite its inferiority to the iPhone)

eReader - A product that makes you seem smarter and more sophisticated than you actually are. When you read an actual book, everyone can judge your literacy by the book's cover. However, with an eReader, no one will know if you're secretly reading 50 Shades of Grey on the subway.

TLC – A TV network invented to make the average American feel better about him/herself. By showcasing the more pathetic lives about fellow Americans engaged in child beauty pageants or excessive procreation, we feel better about ourselves without realizing that we are just as bad/worse for actually watching the show.

Satellite radio – A device for which you pay to hear music through your car speakers. Despite the existence of iPods and customizable playlists. I need to meet the genius who managed to market this concept to consumers.

Wine opener - Society's greatest invention. Ever.

Important Habits

Floss everyday. 

Despite the obvious (aka boring) benefits of oral hygiene, this rule is especially important to maintain because it gives you the power to make anyone else feel inferior about his/her habits. 

Flossing is the kind of activity that everyone knows they should do but no one actually does, and therefore they secretly feel guilty about it. This especially happens when a visit to the dentist prompts remarks such as, “Wow, I haven’t seen this much plaque since the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame." (Get it?! "Plaques"!)

Therefore, if you are a member of the elite group of Flossers, you already have a one-up on everyone else when they try to make you feel inferior for your other less-hygienic habits, such as popping your zits.