Things That Exist But Shouldn't - Part 2

2) Chopsticks

This is not intended to be racist or culturally ignorant. I just believe it should be acknowledged how ridiculous it is to use two sticks of wood to eat a cuisine whose main staple is tiny bits of grain.

Have you ever tried to pick up a single piece of rice with a pair of chopsticks? Have you ever managed to pick up a whole clump of rice without losing a few grains on the journey from the bowl to your mouth?

No, no you have not.

Most likely, you have tried (in vain) to accurately consume an Asian style meal. You had hoped that by using chopsticks, you would authenticate the whole experience (despite the fact that the Chinese/Japanese/Korean food you are buying in America is far from authentic). You probably realized how much effort, balance, and concentration was required to simply get a whole mouthful of food, and realized how fruitless you efforts were if you wanted to finish your food before morning. Possibly, you tried out the "kid's version" of chopsticks with the rubberband to keep them together, but realized:
a) how pathetic you looked 
b) how the waitress laughed at you 
c) how it was still impossible to grab enough rice to qualify as a bite. 

So, you caved in and used a spoon. You used a utensil that is perfectly crafted for picking up hundreds of grains of rice at a time and ensuring that they all make it into your mouth. And, although you actually felt satiated after your meal, you felt guilty for taking the easy way out.

I don't understand why it is not acceptable to use a spoon all the time. Why must you ask in restaurants to have one? Why have Asian countries not yet realized how useful the spoon is to the rice-eating experience? Am I missing something?! Or is everyone else just trying to impress one another with their chopstick finesse that they are too proud to admit how much easier it would be to JUST USE A SPOON.



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