NYC Tourists

At one point or another, most people have the opportunity to be a tourist. It's a wonderful chance to experience new cultures, foods, and languages. However, everyone knows that it doesn't actually count as a trip unless you document your exploration with a minimum of 100 photos per square mile of area toured. I know how it exciting it is to return home eager to upload your Facebook album to not-so-subtly brag to your friends/social network about the fabulous time you had abroad.

I appreciate it. I really do.
Except when these picture-taking tourists block the ENTIRE width of sidewalk and I'm trying to pass by them to get to work.

Oh, you had to choose this square of pavement to plant your entire clan and take a family photo?!

This stretch of sidewalk happens to be the "perfect" angle for you to pose with the Empire State Building in the background?!

Did you even realize that that's actually the Chrysler Building?! I know, I know, common misconception because it's so much prettier, but now there are TWO buildings in this city that are serving as tourist-entrapping backdrops.

However, it's not just the incessant photography.

For some reason that I really, truly can't understand, many tourists use their trip to New York to purchase luggage. I cannot even try to count the number of "I <3 NY" wearing people I have seen shlepping around pieces luggage that still have their purchase tags attached. It is really unfair that these sidewalk-hogging humans would actually buy items that increase their breadth on the sidewalks. 

And it gets worse.

If you've ever been in NYC when it rains, you know how miserable it is. Traffic increases. Commuters stream into the subways or get physically aggressive while hailing cabs. The worst part, though, are the umbrellas. Sidewalks that are three feet wide are not made to fit 8 people AND their respective umbrellas. And when the inevitable onset of scaffolding absconds half of the usable sidewalk space, people and umbrellas become a tangled mess.

I feel bad for the tall people. Their faces become perfect targets for umbrella spokes. The short people also have it bad, since the unending parade of umbrellas overhead creates an opaque ceiling. The one uniting factor, however, between these height-segregated folks is their mutual hate for the tourists. With their unreasonably-sized golf umbrellas, the tourists remain oblivious to the tall and the short, and are only interested in navigating their way through Times Square to nearest department store from which they can buy more luggage.