Friday, August 2, 2013

Definitions for the Culturally Oblivious


Smart phone – A phrase used to refer to mobile devices that are not iPhones, so that consumers can feel better about their purchase (despite its inferiority to the iPhone)

eReader - A product that makes you seem smarter and more sophisticated than you actually are. When you read an actual book, everyone can judge your literacy by the book's cover. However, with an eReader, no one will know if you're secretly reading 50 Shades of Grey on the subway.

TLC – A TV network invented to make the average American feel better about him/herself. By showcasing the more pathetic lives about fellow Americans engaged in child beauty pageants or excessive procreation, we feel better about ourselves without realizing that we are just as bad/worse for actually watching the show.

Satellite radio – A device for which you pay to hear music through your car speakers. Despite the existence of iPods and customizable playlists. I need to meet the genius who managed to market this concept to consumers.

Wine opener - Society's greatest invention. Ever.

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